If you had told me 10 years ago that I would be running in long distance events, I would have either laughed at you or cried.
In junior high and high school, I loved sprinting. I love to run and sprinting is exhilarating. But, by midway through my freshman year, my knees hurt so bad and my doctor had no answers for me other than to stop running. He told me I was likely developing arthritis in my knees. I was 14! To stay on the track team, I took up field events, but it just wasn't the same and I wasn't as good at it. I immersed myself in theater, auditioned for the LA County HS for the Arts and started attending it for my sophomore year. In my senior year, due to family situations, I returned to my traditional high school. There, I continued in theater and never returned to athletics.
In 2003, the pain felt as if it were everywhere. I had other issues going on as well. I started with my regular physician. Then, I had countless tests done. I saw a neurologist, an endocrinologist, and a rheumatologist. At one point, I was told I may have Lupus. This scared me to death. My neurologist had ruled MS which was the first thing he looked for because my mom had MS. He and at least one other doctor ordered a test that came back with results indicating the possibility of Lupus. My paternal grandmother had Lupus, she eventually died as a result. All of this was so incredibly scary. All I knew was that I was experiencing chronic pain and it both scared and frustrated me. My then-father-in-law drove me to the rheumatologist appointment that finally gave me an answer. That doctor ruled out Lupus, thankfully, and diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia. We drove from the doctor's office to a library where I checked out books. At a follow-up with my regular physician, I started to inquire about a handicapped placard for parking. I had resigned myself to the fact that I was essentially chronically ill and, I hurt. I had an answer, now I was going to act the part. He refused. I was 26. He told me that I was too young to just give in and that if I started treating myself as if I were sick, I would end up bedridden within a year. He didn't want that for me and hearing him talk, I didn't want it for myself either. I wanted control over something it seemed uncontrollable. But, I could manage it. To some degree, I did. I had permission from doctors to take naps. I could take Ibuprofen for pain, as I had done for years anyway. I just needed to keep living my life. And, I did. Well, to some degree.
I wasn't fully living at that point in my life anyway. I was held back. I don't think I could even tell you at that point what it meant to fully live life. In the years to come, I would find that the Fibromyalgia symptoms decreased greatly with the hormones related to pregnancy, breastfeeding, and even for another year or more after. I have hardly taken anything for pain in close to seven years. In the last year or two, I have had a little more pain, particularly in my knees, but I try to keep it under control as best I can. But, I haven't allowed it to stop me. As my 35th birthday approached, I wanted to do something HUGE to mark it. So, I signed up for a half marathon. I did it for me, but I also did it to show my children that anyone can do ANYTHING if they set a goal and work for it. I slacked greatly on my training for the half marathon, but I still showed up early on the morning of the run full of positive energy and drive to accomplish the goal I set. My Facebook status update after the run included something like, "this on-again-off-again smoker with Fibromyalgia who slacked on training finished a half marathon in less than 3 1/2 hours!" I did it! I gave myself permission to walk some, and I did. But I finished with a pretty decent time, especially considering I really had no business running a half marathon to begin with. That afternoon, I rested with the heat pad on my knees, took a hot shower, and then had friends over to celebrate my birthday with wine and a nifty cake that I planned and put together myself. My dad baked the cake for me while I was running, but I did the rest. The next day was my actual birthday. What did I do? I got up early, put myself together and took my sore legs to work.
Later in the year, I ran a 5k locally. It felt amazing! I discovered that I found my calling. I'm not the fastest or greatest runner, but I felt so good doing that 5k that I decided to make sure I run that particular one every year. From there, I started looking into other 5k events. So far this year, I have run a one mile race with CD, a mud run with My Chico, and two 5ks. I am signed up for another mud run in October and I have a handful of other 5ks I want to do between now and then including the one from last year that I loved so much. My times are improving. As I ran one this morning, I thought a lot about why I run. I run for me. I don't have to be the fastest runner. There is a little competitiveness that comes out in me, but that helps my personal drive. I will never be a top finisher and I am totally ok with that. I just want to get to where I can do a 5k in 30 minutes (or less) and I am on the right path to meeting that. That is a step up from my original running goal which was to get my mile time down to 11 minutes.
Ten years ago, I was ready to throw in the towel and just be a sick version of myself. But that's not me. I am an active person and I enjoy being on the go much of the time. These runs are important to me and while I may not remember my time on significant runs, I will remember where I ran and that I finished. That's what's important to me.
Just for fun, I always sprint the last little bit to the finish line. I set one last goal as I see the clock ticking and if I can shave even a couple of seconds off, then it's worth it.
So, here I am on the road to developing as a 5k runner. I have put a couple of stickers and things on my car not so much to advertise that I enjoy running, but to keep myself motivated. So far, it seems to be working for me.
So, 10 years ago, someone could have told me I'd be loving running once again, but there is no way I would have believed it. Now, I believe it and I'm living it.
