A freeing trip for myself and plans for the future

Before this weekend, I had previously made two trips to Lake Tahoe as an adult. The first one was in December 1997. I was newly engaged and as a couple, we traveled to Lake Tahoe where we spent some time with my would-be in-laws at their timeshare. It feels like a lifetime ago. In some regards, I would be inclined to say it was a lifetime ago. We drove around the lake. we ate a steak place that had really good steak. There was snow. I was caught up in the excitement of planning for a wedding that would take place just a few months later. I took it all in through rose-colored glasses filled with hope and dreams with people who knew the area. Our non-professional engagement photo was taken there and we printed it in the photo lab at MJC as we were running The Pirates' Log at the time.

My second trip to Lake Tahoe came eight years later. In October 2005, my cousin committed suicide. He was living in the Lake Tahoe area, at Fallen Leaf Lake. He was part of the fire department there. I rode to the memorial with my parents and grandparents. Following the memorial, they went on their way to continue their trip. I stayed in a rented cabin with aunts and cousins. I saw very little and we were very focused on sharing about my cousin and catching up with each other on our lives. It was a sad, but beautiful time. Much of it is a fog to me, honestly. I still get very emotional when I think about my cousin and the choice he made that day, that month, that year, that place.

The opportunity to attend a conference this summer excited me. The fact that it was taking place in Lake Tahoe thrilled me. It was close enough to drive. I could do a quick up-and-back trip. I am jazzed about the things I am doing to move forward with my own educational goals as I continue to bring back better and better things to my students. Being around like-minded educators especially interested me. So, I signed up and booked the trip. I anxiously awaited the time to make the trip. I planned to leave early so I could have a leisurely trip up and spend a little time in the area before heading to the first part of the conference. The day arrived to make the trip. I had experienced a wide range of emotions the previous couple of days for completely unrelated reasons. As an empath, there are those times when I take on a lot of emotion and I was doing that as well as experiencing my own. I was overwhelmed, to some degree. But still excited and ready to go. I packed up. The planned departure time came and went. Finally somewhere between 11 and 11:30 a.m. I realized that I had some sort of mental block. I was feeling anxious (in the anxiety sense). I kept coming up with things to get done before leaving. It was silly. I needed to go. I WANTED to go. So, here's what I assessed about myself:
I was subconsciously thinking about those two previous trips.
It was the date that once was my wedding anniversary.

After identifying those things, I made myself load up the car and go.

This was going to be an entirely different trip. This trip was for me. Period. Off I went.

I drove my leisurely trip as I planned. I enjoyed the time to myself. I took in the beauty of the mountains. Upon arriving in Lake Tahoe, I checked into my motel and freshened up for the conference. Since I arrived later in the day, I changed some things around. I planned a walk for Saturday morning. I planned to spend some time out in the evening. More than once, I considered visiting the Fallen Leaf area. I set it aside for this trip. I needed to be selfish. I needed to focus on what I needed out of this trip. I needed to do things that allowed me to be happy, to feel free, to breathe in some fresh air. I needed a me trip to Lake Tahoe. So, I gave myself that.

I greatly enjoyed the evening session at the conference. Afterwards, I joined a few others for dinner at The Brewery. We had a really nice time. We learned more about each other and shared ideas. I returned to my motel. Saturday morning came and I set out on my adventure. I walked near the lake. I took some pictures. I smiled. I watched people run into the lake. And then I headed over for the full day of the conference. It was freeing. It was fun. It was educational. It was just what I needed heading into the start of the school year. I have fresh new ideas. I have enthusiasm for new areas. I have great ideas to take into my classroom. And I feel more at peace.




The interesting thing here is that I spent a lot of time thinking about my parents and my kids. I scoped out some things that I think will make for a great family trip. I also thought about S and My Chico and how we could make a great girls' weekend there. At one point I had the thought, "This is my 'Long Beach.'" That is to say, that I think at some point in my life I will need to live there at least for a short time. If I have the opportunity to move to the mountains, I think the Lake Tahoe area is where I would go. Regardless of that, though, I have some ideas for other trips and I am determined to take them. I will go visit the area where we bid farewell to my cousin on my next trip. I may find that steak house and enjoy a nice dinner. I will also share my own finds and maybe make some more new discoveries, too. This was my Tahoe trip, my way and I look forward to others. And, when all was said and done, I came home a ROCKSTAR!