My favorite line from Alice in Wonderland is when the Caterpillar asks "Whooo...arrrre.....yooou...?" And yet...I must ask:
Or rather, who am I?
To kick off the new school year, our staff had a one day retreat led by a priest. He focuses on a reading from Matthew 16.
"Who do people say that the Son of Man is?"
"But who do you say that I am?"
After reading the scripture and discussing it some, the priest turned it to us. He had us take some time and reflect on who people say we are and who we are. I grabbed paper and pen and found a quiet place to sit, reflect and write. This is what I wrote:
Who do people say Bekah is?
But -- who am I?
People say I am Rebekah. They know me as Rebekah. Most everyone knows that I am educator, a mom, and an almost 40-year-old who lives with her parents. Some feel I am too dependent on my parents while other feel they are too dependent on me. Neither is true. But, I'll get to that. People tend to see my surface level and certainly many would be able to tell you that I am, at least at times socially awkward. I am an educator who constantly strives not only to do my best, but to be the best. It is what I expect of myself. I want to instill in my children and in my students the importance of being a life-long learner and I lead by example. I believe that there is a world of opportunities for learning and I go, I seek, I find, I experience, I share. I communicated with students and families throughout the summer because they are a part of who I am and why I do what I do. and it carries into who I am to my children. We adventure. We learn. We explore.
I am a mom, mommy, mama, and I am a mother. People see that I am a mother of two amazing children. I am actually a mother of three. Turns out, God needed him (my middle child) more than I did. I healed differently than others. Instead of asking Why me? -- I asked why not me? Anyone who has met me in the last three or four years has no idea that I spent close to 15 years hardly being myself. I am finally back to me. I am dramatic and creative and outgoing. Sometimes, yes that makes me socially awkward but I am true to myself and my aart -- whatever my art is on any given day. I will put my kids first but will take time out and regroup. I need a break. That's how I keep myself healthy. By being my best me, I can help them be their best. And yes, I am a daughter who helps and is helped by her parents. We work together! We're family. I am scared every day of losing one or both of them, especially my dad. I will stay by their side as long as is necessary. I asked my brother for help. He's closer to home now. I will ask for help when I need it. I am fearless but guarded. I cry. I am social but can enjoy being quietly alone. I have a lot of awesome things to say and grow easily frustrated when people don't listen. I struggle with my faith but talk to God constantly. Each day is a gift and as fearless as I try to be, I am still working to overcome fear. I am EduAwesome! I am a learn. I am a facilitator of learning. I am an educator. I am a mom. I am a daughter. I am a writer. I am a friend and a sister. I am a little hippie and a little punk and a little rock. I eclectic. I am Bekah. I am me. I am -- the real me. I am my best me and still getting better. I laugh. I love. I sometimes feel lonely, but I am never alone.
