Embracing the "perfect in my imperfections"

My number one goal in life is for my children to be happy, successful, and responsible. I push them hard as their mom and as a teacher. I work with their teachers closely, but I try to leave enough "rope" for them to be their own people, their own selves.

This gets difficult at times, but generally, I find I can make it happen.

I often talk about being "perfect in my imperfections." I strive to be my best. In that, I strive for both my students and my children to be their best selves. It is easy to make a mistake in a mathematical calculation then show my students that I made a mistake own it, and show them how I fix it. It is is far less easy to make a mistake on the "mom level." But, it happens.

This week, I have had worked hard to be my best and yet, I still fall short at times.

We have had Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, a board meeting for me, confirmation class (for CD), and a major errand for a purchase for my folks. This on top of the regular weekly stuff such as school/work, meals, and such. On top of all of that, both kids had sleepovers tonight. Miss Hollywood is at a Girl Scout sleepover and CD is with family.

Kiera had a checklist for the things she needed for her overnight with her Girl Scout troop. She packed all that she knew she needed to pack on Wednesday night. Heck, she needed a water sample for something they will work on this weekend and had her water sample ready Monday night. I was in charge of things such as the permission slip and money. I prepped all of that. We made all necessary arrangements and she got on her way right after school today. I was proud of her and I was proud of myself. Then, about 5:30 tonight it hit me. She needed a picture of herself. I failed to send one. Mom card revoked. By failing to send the necessary picture, I feel I failed as a mom. I know I didn't fail, but this was A fail.

This is not the first time, nor the last. That, I am sure.

We travel. We have shown up for weekends away without a single toothbrush. We have had to turn around when I have forgotten tickets. We have had to wing it at the public transportation station. We have had to adjust and be flexible, and move forward.

This weekend, we had a relatively easy weekend. We had time to prepare. We had lists. And we had a mostly close-to-home weekend. Still, I dropped a ball. Not the ball, but a ball.

And, we will be ok even though I forgot a picture. I know that. Still, it stings a wee bit.

I am a teacher who will talk with a student and extend a deadline. I am a mom who will forget to pack a picture. But, I am a teacher who will do everything to help a student succeed and I am a mom who will stand by her child's side always. I am a teacher who will go above and beyond, staying late on a Friday to talk with a former student to better help a current student on a Monday. I am a mom who will play a game of Mancala and learn from her son the day after teaching that same son how to do better research.

I am so far from perfect. There are times I struggle with this. But tonight I am working to accept myself just as I am. Perfect in my imperfections. And you, reading this... you are too. And that is ok. Accept yourself as who you are. Do your best. Always. Be awesome. We got this, Today, tomorrow, always.

Platinum, china, or me, myself, and I

Did you know? The traditional gift for a 20th anniversary is china while the modern gift is platinum.

I had to go look it up.

This is the year that I would be celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary. Instead, I find myself reflective. I have given myself permission to be reflective. It's a good thing.

Over the Easter weekend, the kids and I did our (new) tradition of camping with friends. We have, over the past seven years, become more a part of the fold. This year, I took more food, participated in cooking, talked more, and generally felt more a part of the group. The kids, of course, have never felt outside of "the fold." They have friends and enjoy time with them throughout our camping experiences. I have, too, but this year was different and it was such a good feeling. It, in fact, allowed me to indulge my reflective period in a really good way.

Part of this weekend's festivities included a 30th wedding anniversary celebration. The couple used this special time to renew their marriage vows and then the celebration really began. Also with us this weekend was a couple anxiously awaiting their upcoming nuptials. They got engaged last year and look forward to marrying this fall.

Sandwiched in between this spring celebration of love and this fall's upcoming celebration of love is the date that once was my wedding anniversary. I took a moment (quietly to myself) and thought about that. It was a weird feeling at first. I caught myself asking questions that I haven't considered in years. And then, I stopped myself and reminded myself that the reason I know these two couples the way I do is because of the choices I made and the future I decided to step into back in 2011. I reminded myself of how far I have come. And now, in place of celebrating my 20th anniversary, I get to celebrate other moments. I celebrate the renewal of vows of friends. I celebrate a new love as a couple prepares to marry. I celebrate the joy my children bring to my life daily. I celebrate who I am now because who I am now is a pretty awesome "chick." I celebrate me. I celebrate myself. I celebrate I. Me, myself, and I are the gifts I get this year. My kids are the gifts that keep giving me a life full of joy and love.

Later this year, I will celebrate as I have the past few years and honor myself for who I have become and the path I have followed. I will enjoy time with My Chico and Nini. I will take CD and Miss Hollywood on new adventures and revisit some old favorite places. I will further embrace who I am. I will take my mom to celebrate her 50th high school reunion and I will work to enjoy more down time, creative time, and reading time.

It has taken me 20 years down a winding path to become who I am today and I am thankful for the journey. I am thankful for the reminders that sharing this past Easter weekend offered and I am thankful for the lifelong friendships I have that have further blossomed in recent years.

I am thankful.

And so, I need neither china nor platinum to celebrate this year. I just need to remember all of the things for which I am thankful and the gifts they give me daily. I look forward to more sunrises and sunsets with all of these wonderful people who bless me.

Peace and love.

A diamond in the rough

It is the final hours of 2017 (as I begin this) and my kids just arrived home. We spent the last few days of 2017 together with family at our beloved Ranch. We had a grand adventure and arrived home late last night. Today has allowed me time to reflect, but only now am I sitting to write some of my thoughts.

The year was filled with adventures. There were concerts, baseball games, vacations, and more. I took CD and my mom to see Alabama. I took Miss Hollywood to her first real concert to see Luke Bryan. My Chico and I saw New Kids on the Block, John Michael Montgomery, and Tim McGraw with Faith Hill.

The kids and I had a new adventure. We stayed in a lovely cottage in Point Reyes. It's now on our list of places we would like to return. We, of course, attended a few Giants games and in doing so, we had a chance to try a couple of new things. One, we use CalTrain. In fact, we loved it so much, we used it a second time. We also used BART and MUNI to attend a game as well. I got to one game with my brother even, and I attended my first A's game with friends.

It was an amazing year.

There were some downs with some of the ups, though. The Alamo Fire burned dangerously close to our family Ranch house. Thankfully, the firefighters protected and successfully saved the house and the growth around the average is already trying to come back. I presented at Spring CUE for the first time and at Fall CUE for a second time. It was thrilling. I got elected to my local affiliate CUE board, too. Then I received word that my presentation proposal was not accepted for Spring 2018. I was more disappointed than I expected. Good news, though, CD and I are co-presenting together twice to start off the year.

Looking back, 2017 was a year of celebration and embracing the now. I see 2018 as a year of change with a shift happening. I hope all positive. The toast to the new year has now occurred for us. We played Tripoley, did a couple of poppers, and clinked glasses. So, here it is. 2018.

The kids are tucked into bed. Tomorrow, we will get up and go through Jar of Awesome Events, 2017. We will remember the adventures. We will celebrate the celebrations. And, then, I will do something new. I will give them a list of possible 2018 adventures and let them choose their top five favorites. Then, we will plan some adventures for the year.

Just after the ball dropped in New York (in real time), Miss Hollywood started a science project growing crystals. You take warm water, add in a crystal mixture, and stir to desolve it. Then you pour it into a small dish, add two rocks, and empty the remaining crystal powder onto the rocks. Then, crystals grow. As I helped her with this, I thought it was such a fabulous analogy for the new year. Let's take the rocks of 2017 and grow them into beautiful 2018 crystals. We are nothing more than diamonds in the rough. Let's smooth things out and make them beautiful. Let's embrace who we are and grow into who we want to be. We can always do better, be better, create better. Let us choose peace, love, and kindness above all else. Let us be what we need ourselves to be so we can guide our children into who they need to be. Let us be educators for the world. Let us embrace and and embark on adventure.

Last year, I celebrated turning 40. This year, I will celebrate 41. Far less monumental numerically but no less important. We are not promised tomorrow, we only have today. I have health and wellness goals for 2018. For me, for my family. Not a diet, not a "join a gym," but true and complete health and wellness. I also want to continue to
BE LIVE BELIEVE.

Therefore, I declare 2018 my diamond in the rough year and I'm going to grow into something even more beautiful than I already am. Best part is that I have two fabulous sidekicks.

Let's go make some beautiful 2018 crystals!

Happy New Year!