It really does take a village

"It takes a village," the message came up.

I replied affirmatively.

This is something that I knew. I've known it for a long time. This time, though, it rang true differently.

I am a single mom. But, I am not alone.

I struggle on hard days. But I have help.

There are people in the world who really are doing it seemingly alone. Some of them are actually doing it completely alone. I have at least one friend who can only rely on herself. She never ceases to amaze me. I sometimes feel wholly inadequate calling myself a single mom because I know she is truly walking the walk. It is her only choice. I, however, have people I can call. I have people I rely on to keep the day-to-day routine happen.

I drive an hour to work every morning. I am a teacher, so I need to be present and on time to fulfill my expected duties. My drive home often takes close to an hour and a half. I have the wonderful ability to drop my son off at school, but my afternoon kindergarten daughter is another story. Most days, my dad takes her. He gets her up in the morning, feeds her breakfast, gathers her things and they "walk" to school. (They drive his motorized scooter.)

Never underestimate the change a simple doctor appointment or weather can bring. If it pours rain, that can make things difficult. If my dad has a scheduled doctor's appointment, that really makes things interesting. When my dad had a panned trip, I made alternative arrangements in advance. All went well. Recently, though, he had an unexpected doctor's appointment. The previous week, he took Miss Hollywood to school even in the pouring rain. She has an umbrella, he has a raincoat. They made it work. But then, my dad was sick. Very sick. I actually feared hospitalization. The kids' dad was having car trouble at the same time, We spent the weekend finding my dad a ride for his doctor's appointment and then I had to find a way for Miss Hollywood to get to school. I finally reached out to someone I know. Well, sort of know. But I trust her. And I trust her judgment. I hoped she would be able to help me find someone to take my daughter to school. She did one better. She offered to take Miss Hollywood. I graciously accepted.

"It takes a village,"s he wrote.

I replied affirmatively.

One night last week, I arrived home late from work. My cat was home following surgery. My kids were home. A donation had been made to my school's fundraiser and was waiting on my porch.

It takes a village.

I have a huge trip coming up in February. I have a conference in March. I have an EdCamp in April.

It takes a village.

I am thankful for my village that is helping to get the kids where they need to go. I am thankful for my village that is making sure all is well. I am also thankful for my tribe. My tribe of friends who help keep me sane. My tribe of EdTech professionals who help me learn, who help me teach, who help me be better and do better.

My tribe and and my village...they are what make the world a better place. They also make me a better person. Yes, I am a single mom. A truly, SINGLE mom. However, I am a blessed mom with a village and tribe. My children are better for it.

Thank you, village. They're going to continue being awesome and one day...they will thank us all.
And to that mom who does it all, you...YOU....are amazing!

Love yourself as no one else can

As I finished getting ready for lunch with a friend yesterday, I started collecting some thoughts from the week. Earlier in the week, I had grown frustrated with my body earlier in the week, including the day before, as it just wasn't working the way I thought it should. I was feeling better and in the moment of clarity, I was able to look back on my frustration. I worry less about how I look on the outside and more about how I feel on the inside. Sometimes my body just doesn't work "right." I have dealt with more Fibromyalgia flares over the past few months than I have the past few years. On Friday, my knees and lower back hurt and my body screamed that it needed rest. And so, I gave it what I could in the way of rest. Saturday was better I was thankful for that as I had to drive the kids, meet a friend for lunch, take dad to run regular weekly errands, and start getting on track as it is time to return to the regular routine.

I reflected briefly on that moment earlier in the week when I screamed (in my head), "I hate my body!" The reality is, I don't hate my body. I get frustrated by pain or things not going as I would like, but I do actually love my body. Yes, I occasionally experience pain. However, I am still walking, teaching, running, playing with my children, exploring, hiking, planning future adventures. So, I hate moments, not my body.

When my children ask about stretch marks, I say, "they are reminders of you." Afterall, they are marks of a body that stretched as my babies grew. They are not flaws, they are beauty marks. I can especially see the beauty part of it when I look into Miss Hollywood's beautiful blue eyes and hug CD. My scar from the C-sections are hardly visible because my doctors did such fantastic work. Some of the shooting pain I've felt started after having Miss Hollywood. My scoliosis combined with an anesthesiologist's needle caused the first one. They are few and far between. Thankfully, when I remember that day, I remember tears of joy as we welcomed Miss Hollywood into our lives.

I have had some difficulty keeping off baby weight that predates Miss Hollywood. I had difficulty losing "baby weight" after LJ. My body has aged and shifted. I eat right generally. I am a foodie by full admission. I enjoy trying new foods, cooking, eating favorites, and splurging on wine. I am happy with where I am. I am far from the weight I was before I had CD and for that I am incredibly thankful. When I got pregnant with Connor, I was the heaviest I had ever been in my life. The day he was born, I immediately dropped to below my pre-pregnancy weight. So, the size 10 I was for years is very likely in my past, and I am ok with that. Being a 12 is ok. (There are a couple of mediums and 10s that still fit though.) I am happy with my choices and feel generally healthy. That is more important to me than a fad diet or doing the lose/gain game. I refuse to become a slave to a scale. If I feel good, stay active, and enjoy life then I am ok. So, if I stay where I am, that's ok. I'm always up for trying to tone myself a little more. Walking, running, and hiking are things that bring me joy (even when it sometimes hurts afterward) and situps bring me pain, so which do you think I'll choose?

I need to flush "hate" from my vocabulary. I love myself and am committed to loving myself fully. That means even on a bad day, I need to love myself.

This morning, I decided to write all of this down and blog it, but had put it off while I did other things. I distracted myself. And then, I came across a post from Geek Strikes Back on Facebook that included something from Carrie Fisher. I read it. I smile. I knew...it was time to write.

Here's a nice little ET Online piece:

Carrie Fisher Fires Back at 'Star Wars' Age-Shamers: 'My Body Hasn't Aged as Well as I Have'

Rock on, Carrie Fisher! Rock on!

Love me or hate me, I love me. That's all that matters. Thank you for being a continuing part of my journey.

Stardate: [-27]03355.00 ~ A day to remember, a love to hold

I started to write this last night (in my head), but my sweet Miss Hollywood grew tired and irritable and I set it aside for the evening. Still, I want to document the first day of 2016.

Miss Hollywood has had her ups and downs the past few weeks. She has a temper that can roar and you'll not necessarily see it coming. We're working on navigating through each day and some days are certainly better than others. She's a spunky, loving, five-year-old. She knows what she wants and I can see in her that which needs to be nurtured and channeled in positive ways so that she will grow into a strong woman. Some days, it requires walking that fine line between supporting her and breaking her spirit. I refuse to break her spirit, but it certainly takes some creativity at times.

This week was an amazing week for her. As we escaped for a few days with family, she had a fabulous time. She hiked, she did science, she played games, she played Star Wars (imaginative play outdoors) with her brother and cousins, she hugged, she loved. She had a moment here and there, but worked through those moments of frustration, distraction, anger and came out with love. Already pleased with the week she had, we entered the first day of a new year. This is a day I hope she will remember because I know I will. It is why I am sitting down to write this. I want her to know how special January 1, 2016 was for me, for us.

Stardate: [-27]03355.00
Miss Hollywood,
You had an amazing day today. You started the new year off beautifully! I hope you will remember this day always. You and I had to get creative in the kitchen today. The day started off a little rough for me as I needed some extra rest. While I rested and watched football, you set out to explore the Chromebook Santa brought for you and CD. You played some of your usual games on ABCYA and tried a new Coding activity (Inside Out). You typed. You want to be a blogger like mama. That warmed my heart. You learned that the blinking line that drove you crazy was the cursor telling you where you left off as you typed. You practiced using the space bar. You checked out other things on the Chromebook and loved declaring that you were exploring.



When we made it into the kitchen a little later, our first task was to make Chex Mix. We had no seasoned salt. What would we do? I looked up alternatives on my phone and we successfully made a batch of Chex Mix. You stirred, you measured, you mixed, you set the timer. You did not want to just sit idly by waiting for the time to pass so you pushed me to find what else we could do. Encouraged, perhaps is a better word. And we took each step together and you worked hard. As the Chex Mix finished, we were starting our Scotcharoos when we discovered we were lacking butterscotch chips. Whatever would we do?

We had taken all of the ingredients to the Ranch and inadvertently left the butterscotch chips there, and we were committed to staying home today. I came up with a plan. We called it our aunt's secret recipe alternative. Sshhh.... It was so much fun! The Scotcharoos tasted a little different than usual, of course, but they turned out just fine. Even if I did mix the peanut butter in too soon. You stirred, mixed, put the Rice Krispies mixture in the pan that you had already buttered. You took great care in each and every step. Everything turned out wonderfully and we were pleased. You had an amazing day today, my dear. You are amazing. You are beautiful. You are smart. You are talented. What a great way to start the new year. Last night as we sat down to eat dinner, I grabbed down the Jar of Awesome Events. You, your brother, and I went through it, taking turns to pull something out of the jar. How many parking stubs were in there? I kept the items in a small plastic baggie (as I do every year). We can look back over the years together sometime. You lived up to your Miss Hollywood name. In playing with me, you were pretend crying and got so immersed in it that you cried for real. I hope to see you back on stage someday. Somewhere in the midst of fatigue as you were winding up rather than winding down for the night, you said something that hurt my heart. You said that I don't love you. My darling daughter, I love you more than words can ever express. I love you beyond "to the moon and back." I will spend every day of my life working to show it to you. You deserve to know love and I will do everything I can to model it for you. You had an outstanding first day of the new year. I look forward to where 2016 will take us and I love that we get to do this adventure together. You, CD, and me. The three of us. We are family. We do great things together. And if ever you have a bad day (and you will, we all do), please know that I love you. I will always love you. I am your mom. You are my daughter. We will live and love together in this big crazy world. Thank you for today. Thank you for everyday. Thank you for being you. Thank you for making me strive to be better and do better and love better.

Love always,
Mom/Mama/Mommy

Be~Live~Believe as we enter a year of joy and anticipation.

I typically write this sort of blog post as one year comes to an end, but this year I am writing as a new year begins. 2015 was an amazing year during which our adventures continued, my learning continued, and my teaching shifted once again. Family was at the center of our everything. An item on my 40x40 list included taking CD and Miss Hollywood on a "real vacation" and we accomplished that for the first time in 2015. I am so pleased with how they are growing into amazing people. We had taken weekend trips and short trips, but in 2015, we did some traveling much like the types of trips I remember taking with my family as a child.

Our second short trip of the summer took us back to Lassen Volcanic National Park. We have decided that this is and will be one of our regular places to visit. Going in early July is perfect and we love the Lassen Mineral Lodge. In fact, we have already tentatively calendared our 2016 trip. Our "real" vacation kicked off about two weeks later. We camped for two nights at Pinnacles National Park where we encountered fearless raccoons and decided to invest in a National Park membership. While we camped, we cooked on our camp stove, did dishes the way my parents taught me, and walked around the grounds close to where we camped. The raccoons were annoying and at times discouraging, but we didn't let them get the better of us. We will return and camp there again eventually. We already have a hiking trip to Pinnacles planned for Spring Break 2016. After our two nights camping, we hopped back on the road and stopped in San Luis Obispo to visit friends on our way to the Ranch. The kids got to check out Bubblegum Alley and eat ice cream. Once at the Ranch, we spent a few days visiting with family, hiking, exploring, learning. The Ranch "summer day camp" is another part of our must do summertime. On the return trip, we stayed two nights in San Francisco and caught a Giants game, visited Muir Woods (sort of) and Muir Beach. All of this came together in a video and a photo entry for the National Parks Centennial Project contest where we shared our #findyourpark adventures. One of our photos became a finalist in the contest. We are awaiting the final results to see if we placed as a Grand Prize, First Place, or Second Place winner, but we were excited to make it as a finalist. So, we have entered 2016 with anticipation. There are other sources of anticipation, as well. (Stay tuned.)

We camped again in September. We visited two Renaissance Faires, the All Hallows Faire, and had great fun creating and developing costumes. We spent a day at Disneyland. We caught an Angels game with my brother and his family. The adventures seem endless as I look back over 2015. Our awesomeness abounds and we look forward to more adventures in 2016. Perhaps a return to Disneyland even!

My career took an interesting twist and turn. I was extremely hesitant when I was first approached about taking on a new role at my current school. The conversation with my principal included me saying, "I want to be the best." When she stated something to the effect that everyone wants to do their best, I reiterated that I want to be THE best at what I do. It is what I expect of myself. It is wired in me genetically. She and I have navigated the changes together and amazing things are happening at our school. I love being a part of it. How wonderful to see our students learning new skills and trying new things. Over these two weeks off, I have looked over two things. One, a memo I created on my phone that includes a list of students who completed an Hour of Code. The other is a blog post from two years ago where I outlined some of my EdTech goals. I am achieving them as our students are achieving great successes at the same time. This excites me to no end! I have presented for the first time at a conference and I am scheduled to present at another one at the end of February. After averaging about one conference (or PD/networking session) per month (perhaps slightly above that really) for nine months, I took November and December off to catch my breath and so enjoyed implementing some new things with the students, including doing the Hour of Code with every grade level. It was fantastic! The smiles on the students faces, the joy I saw as they made progress and learned...it all was wonderful. Our students rock! In the meantime, I also invested time into my role as EdTech coach and have had the opportunity to work with some truly amazing colleagues. One of these colleagues nominated me for CUE's Outstanding Emerging Teacher in December. Another source of anticipation. The winner will be announced at the CUE Annual Conference in March. I look forward to this conference every year. There are some truly amazing people to encounter, meet, and network with at this conference.

I celebrated my 20th high school reunion and traveled with My Chico and had a chance to reconnect with old friends in new ways. I opened my mouth an inserted my foot at least once. Shrugged it off and moved on to other things. I had a chance to reflect and look ahead all at once. I am thankful for the experience. 2015-16 also marks a huge life shift for me. I attended the University of Tennessee 20 years ago. For one year. I consider it a small, but significant piece of this very big puzzle called life. I was academically dismissed. Not my finest moment. And yet, I would not be who I am or where I am without that experience. I needed a little reminder from my dad last night, but I do know in my heart of hearts that I needed each experience to become who I am and to do the things I do. Dad reminded me, too, that the only failure is not getting back up after a fall. I have always picked myself up, dusted myself off, and moved forward. And look at me now!
Faby and Bekah's Epic High School Reunion

Life takes us through many twists and turns. We get pushed outside of our comfort zones. That's where the magic happens, of course. Yet again, in 2015, I felt shoved so far out of my comfort zone and saw magic happen. The best part is when the magic happens for people around me as a result. I have seen magic happen for my kids, my students, my family. There are things that never would have happened this past year had I not fallen into that shove out of my comfort zone, picked myself up, and decided to run with it. TADA!

As I look back on the year that was 2015, I see that family was central and I know it will be again. I have quietly reprioritized in a couple of areas that needed it. I have once again embraced my singleness, recognizing that I know what I need to focus on and the relationships worth investment. My parents, my children, my brother and his family, my "sister" and her family, my aunts and uncles, my cousins and most importantly, myself. There is no "new year, new me" for me. I have worked really hard to regain parts of who I was on this Journey of Bekah Rose. A person once joked about my name, "what's the matter, you couldn't 'Bekah" right the first time?" I did it right the first time, lost a part of that Bekah, and now I am re-Bekah-ing. It's an ongoing process. I like who I am. I will continue to embrace that.

As the end of 2015 neared, I started using #lovebeginswithme in posts. There have been so many words of hate and intolerance. We need to recognize that love begins with each and every one of us. Bad things happen in the world. Let us work on making good things happen. Let us grow in love. Invest first in ourselves, and then in our friends and families. If there is something you need to leave behind, leave it. Move forward. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move forward. And do it in love. We must act....in love.

Our Christmas cards this year included a quote from Dr. Martine Luther King, Jr.
Here it is:
Darkness cannot drive out darkness:
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.

Let us be light and love in the world. Please feel free to use #lovebeginswithme in social media posts this year. I also participated in the #whattup "movement" that a friend started. I have joined a group of people looking to focus on things for which they are grateful this year. #gratefuleveryday

Other hashtags I will use this year #BeLiveBelieve and #anticipation #joy

I look forward to the year ahead and feel full of anticipation. And joy.

Last  year, I knocked things off a list I haven't looked at in over a year, traveled, learned, taught, presented, grew, met one of my favorite bands, held hands with my children, spent time with my brother (and family), spent more time with My Chico (my "sister"), hugged, cried, laughed, cried some more, experienced frustration and hurt, and most of all....I loved. I lived. Here's to another year of living and loving! Cheers to 2016! Bring it on!