I admit that I can be a procrastinator. I believe it is, at least in part, genetic. My dad and my brother are both known procrastinators. This time is a little different.
I am at the start of my teaching career and I love that. I have had the opportunity to work in the perfect environment for a first year. The support I have received has been tremendous. I am richly blessed and incredibly thankful. Teaching half-time has allowed me to be involved in CD's classroom and support him in his first year of elementary school. I have learned so much from both my teaching and my volunteerism. Who would want to leave such an amazing environment where they work with wonderful students and incredible colleagues? No one. No one would WANT to leave. However, I have other needs to consider. Do I want to leave where I am? No. But I do want to work full time. I would like to be a little closer to home. But mostly, it comes down to wanting and needing to work full time. And so, I have started my search for a full time teaching position.
Tomorrow is the deadline for two of the positions. I didn't realize what I was doing, but I was doing it. I was dragging my feet. I have taken more time and not felt the sense of urgency that I need to have. Until today. And so, I am wrapping it up and putting everything together under a tight deadline. I will get everything turned in. I certainly will do everything in my power to do so. Either one of these two positions would be great. I am excited! I would love the school. I would love either of the two available grades. I would love being closer to home. Additionally, I think being closer to home would allow me to participate more fully both at the school and in outside activities even though I would have longer work hours. I want to do more writing. I want to audition for a show or two. I have ideas I want to see through at church. And, I want to do more with my two beautiful children. Tonight, as I tucked in CD, it really hit me. They need more of me and to do that, I need full time work closer to home. I still need to get out and have some "mama time," but by simply cutting my commute time, I can be home more for homework and help the kids participate in their extra-curricular activities. I can see the possibility for balance and I need that. They need that. We need that. I strive for balance. And so, this is something I need to do as I work toward establishing that balance.
I truly believe that the right job, at the right place, at the right time will be mine. But I can't sit and wait for it. I have to look. I have to apply. I have to put myself out there. And so...it begins.
Here goes nothin'....
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Friday, March 15, 2013
The Long (but temporary) Goodbye post part 2
I knew her for over eight years. I taught with her. I taught for her (as in, I subbed). She mentored me. I learned from her. I looked up to her. Most recently, I have taught at the same school as her daughter. I loved and admired her. And I still learned things about her today that I never knew. I cried. I prayed. I hugged.
We shared a birthday. This year, I will start my birthday at mass with others who loved and respected this great teacher.
At today's funeral mass, I looked around and soaked in how many different people were in attendance. As people processed forward for communion, I watched and I continued to watch as they returned to their seats. It was like watching her legacy walk through the church. Students of past and present walked through. Ages ranged tremendously. Everyone gathered to mourn and celebrate a great woman. A woman who went into teaching later in life, even later than I have. No wonder she was so supportive of me and my decision to switch gears to become an elementary school teacher. She had done the same.
I cry because I miss her. I cry because I had looked forward to learning more from her and turning to her for guidance. I cry because she was the kind of teacher I want to be and I have a long ways to go. I rejoice because I am where I am in part because of her influence on my life. I rejoice because I know the things I admired about her, I can strive for in my own teaching life.
I drove straight from work to today's funeral mass. Tuesday I travel straight from a special memorial mass at the school where she taught to work. I hope to take with me some of what she inspired in me. More tears will surely come. But I do rejoice in the fact that she is now with God, looking down on us, and still continuing to inspire people, myself included. She was not only someone I admired as a teacher, but someone I admired as a woman living a Christ-like life. She was a true model of what it means to be a Christian. To love as He loves us.
Within the past year or so, a former student from the school where she taught was killed in a gang-related shooting. Within the past week or two, an arrest was made in that shooting. the shooter was also a former student of that school. I was close to tears upon hearing that news. I knew both boys. They were two boys headed down that path, but it breaks my heart that even with the positive influences they received at the school, it just wasn't enough to help them change course. It is a reminder that we cannot save everyone. But that doesn't mean we don't try. It doesn't mean we don't love. It doesn't mean we don't teach. We just have to do our best. And, like in the story of the boy throwing starfish back into the ocean, it makes a difference to some. And if it makes a difference to even one student, then we have succeeded. This woman found something in every student and she helped them to learn how to let their lights shine. There is one student I saw today who I thought about and discussed over dinner. "She helped him find his niche," I said. So may teachers would have given up on this boy, written him off. He struggled...a lot. But, one day, a little over a year ago, I was subbing for her and the students were doing a presentation. There it was. He was a shining star. From that point in his educational career, things changed. She brought something alive in him. (By the way, it involved acting.) She did not give up on him and her patience and persistence paid off. He will forever be changed because of the positive influence of this great teacher. I guarantee it!
"This little light of mine...I'm gonna let it shine....this little light of mine....I'm gonna let it shine...this little light of mine....I'm gonna let it shine....let it shine, let it shine, LET IT SHINE!"
As I departed today's funeral mass, the following song played on the radio:
Where is the love? The love is in people like my mentor. and I hope it is in me. I also hope to share it and use it to make a difference in this world. She did.
We shared a birthday. This year, I will start my birthday at mass with others who loved and respected this great teacher.
At today's funeral mass, I looked around and soaked in how many different people were in attendance. As people processed forward for communion, I watched and I continued to watch as they returned to their seats. It was like watching her legacy walk through the church. Students of past and present walked through. Ages ranged tremendously. Everyone gathered to mourn and celebrate a great woman. A woman who went into teaching later in life, even later than I have. No wonder she was so supportive of me and my decision to switch gears to become an elementary school teacher. She had done the same.
I cry because I miss her. I cry because I had looked forward to learning more from her and turning to her for guidance. I cry because she was the kind of teacher I want to be and I have a long ways to go. I rejoice because I am where I am in part because of her influence on my life. I rejoice because I know the things I admired about her, I can strive for in my own teaching life.
I drove straight from work to today's funeral mass. Tuesday I travel straight from a special memorial mass at the school where she taught to work. I hope to take with me some of what she inspired in me. More tears will surely come. But I do rejoice in the fact that she is now with God, looking down on us, and still continuing to inspire people, myself included. She was not only someone I admired as a teacher, but someone I admired as a woman living a Christ-like life. She was a true model of what it means to be a Christian. To love as He loves us.
Within the past year or so, a former student from the school where she taught was killed in a gang-related shooting. Within the past week or two, an arrest was made in that shooting. the shooter was also a former student of that school. I was close to tears upon hearing that news. I knew both boys. They were two boys headed down that path, but it breaks my heart that even with the positive influences they received at the school, it just wasn't enough to help them change course. It is a reminder that we cannot save everyone. But that doesn't mean we don't try. It doesn't mean we don't love. It doesn't mean we don't teach. We just have to do our best. And, like in the story of the boy throwing starfish back into the ocean, it makes a difference to some. And if it makes a difference to even one student, then we have succeeded. This woman found something in every student and she helped them to learn how to let their lights shine. There is one student I saw today who I thought about and discussed over dinner. "She helped him find his niche," I said. So may teachers would have given up on this boy, written him off. He struggled...a lot. But, one day, a little over a year ago, I was subbing for her and the students were doing a presentation. There it was. He was a shining star. From that point in his educational career, things changed. She brought something alive in him. (By the way, it involved acting.) She did not give up on him and her patience and persistence paid off. He will forever be changed because of the positive influence of this great teacher. I guarantee it!
"This little light of mine...I'm gonna let it shine....this little light of mine....I'm gonna let it shine...this little light of mine....I'm gonna let it shine....let it shine, let it shine, LET IT SHINE!"
As I departed today's funeral mass, the following song played on the radio:
Thursday, March 14, 2013
And then...there was silence
It's been a whirlwind. I have no other way to describe it.
We've had people around, things to do...it has felt as if we are go-go-going even when we are at rest. There has been joy. There have been tears. There have been memories shared.
Today, is travel day. People are starting to return to their regular lives as best they can. Once my parents left to take "Mooma" to the train station, the quiet set in. My heart felt even heavier. It's time to return to "normal." For some, a new normal. For others, whatever their "normal" is. But, alas...it is time. Uncle Bubba and his family are headed home today as well. Even having spent just a small amount of time with them, I think knowing they were here made a difference. The family had gathered, as families do.
It's quiet. So quiet. After spending two months where I had quiet and mostly productive mornings at home, this would almost seem normal. But again...my heart is heavy.
I will resume my regular morning routine momentarily. But, I felt I needed this release and so, here I am. A second blog post in less than 12 hours. A song has stuck in my head since yesterday evening. So, I leave you with it. Prayers for peace and comfort for those who need it now and into the days to come.
We've had people around, things to do...it has felt as if we are go-go-going even when we are at rest. There has been joy. There have been tears. There have been memories shared.
Today, is travel day. People are starting to return to their regular lives as best they can. Once my parents left to take "Mooma" to the train station, the quiet set in. My heart felt even heavier. It's time to return to "normal." For some, a new normal. For others, whatever their "normal" is. But, alas...it is time. Uncle Bubba and his family are headed home today as well. Even having spent just a small amount of time with them, I think knowing they were here made a difference. The family had gathered, as families do.
It's quiet. So quiet. After spending two months where I had quiet and mostly productive mornings at home, this would almost seem normal. But again...my heart is heavy.
I will resume my regular morning routine momentarily. But, I felt I needed this release and so, here I am. A second blog post in less than 12 hours. A song has stuck in my head since yesterday evening. So, I leave you with it. Prayers for peace and comfort for those who need it now and into the days to come.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
One down, one to go: long (but temporary) goodbyes
I attended the first of two funerals on my calendar for this week. My faith reminds me that these are temporary goodbyes. They are Earthly goodbyes. But what waits for us on "the other side" is eternal life and I have to believe that we will meet again.
Today's funeral was for a man I wish I had known better. He was my sister-in-law's dad, my brother's father-in-law, a grandfather to my niece and nephew. We attended family gatherings together. And, in the age of social networking, we shared more of a bond thanks to Facebook. By all accounts, he was an amazing teacher and coach. He influenced many. He was surrounded by love and respect. I felt disjointed at the funeral itself. Miss Hollywood announced rather loudly shortly after the start of the service that she had to use the restroom, so off we went. We made our way through the crowd at the back the church...never to return. Thankfully, a speaker system allowed people outside to hear what was being said. However, chasing a two-year-old around provided a great deal of distraction. Still, those who loved this man were gathered together and had a chance to say their goodbyes together. Later, at the reception, we spent time with family. Uncle Bubba looked amazing in his dress uniform. Talk about an officer and a gentleman. My brother is awesome. (Shh...don't tell him that, it might go to his head.) My sister-in-law was stoic. I wish I had the right words, or something more to offer. All I can do is pray and give hugs and hope those hugs will travel with her. I will visit her mom in a little over a month. It's what I can do.
When we first arrived, CD and Miss Hollywood had hugs all around. As Miss Hollywood gave her aunt the biggest hug I've seen in a long time, I joined in. Then I hugged her mom. I did fine. And then, I looked up and my beautiful niece and handsome nephew were coming over. I started to lose it. They were wearing clothing items I gave them for Christmas...."perfect" for today. And, I started to cry.
This man lost his life suddenly and tragically. Such things, as I said to my mom, are the things you see on the news. You don't actually experience them. They don't happen to people you know. But then...you realize... they happen to someone and affect lives. A great man, an amazing and well-respected teacher/coach was laid to rest today. Pray for his family.
The second funeral will be here in the blink of an eye. I have arranged childcare as my kids don't need to attend this one. So, I do not have to "worry" about distractions of a two-year-old nature. I will have to allow myself to experience the emotions that I know will run high. This funeral is also for a well-loved, very respected teacher. This teacher is one of the main reasons I decided to go into elementary education. She is part of how I came to love fifth graders. I dream of one day having my own intermediate level classroom. I had adopted her as my mentor and always dreamed of having her to consult on teaching things. Methods, management, etc. She was an amazing and loving person who walked the walk, not just talked the talk. She lived a Christ-like life. She was an inspiration to many. She is deeply missed. I work (now) with one of her amazing daughters. Another long goodbye...albeit temporary...to be said.
I have felt even more reflective the past couple of weeks. I have, as an empath, experienced a broad range of emotions. I have experienced my own emotions as well. Sleep proves elusive most nights. My nightguard is only as effective as I allow it to be. I keep popping it out in the middle of the night. But sleep will come. I hope. My heart is heavy. My prayers continue for many. As I start my teaching career, the world says goodbye to two influential teachers who serve as reminders of why educators are important. Their successes in education are worth aspiring to and I, for one, will do so.
Today's funeral was for a man I wish I had known better. He was my sister-in-law's dad, my brother's father-in-law, a grandfather to my niece and nephew. We attended family gatherings together. And, in the age of social networking, we shared more of a bond thanks to Facebook. By all accounts, he was an amazing teacher and coach. He influenced many. He was surrounded by love and respect. I felt disjointed at the funeral itself. Miss Hollywood announced rather loudly shortly after the start of the service that she had to use the restroom, so off we went. We made our way through the crowd at the back the church...never to return. Thankfully, a speaker system allowed people outside to hear what was being said. However, chasing a two-year-old around provided a great deal of distraction. Still, those who loved this man were gathered together and had a chance to say their goodbyes together. Later, at the reception, we spent time with family. Uncle Bubba looked amazing in his dress uniform. Talk about an officer and a gentleman. My brother is awesome. (Shh...don't tell him that, it might go to his head.) My sister-in-law was stoic. I wish I had the right words, or something more to offer. All I can do is pray and give hugs and hope those hugs will travel with her. I will visit her mom in a little over a month. It's what I can do.
When we first arrived, CD and Miss Hollywood had hugs all around. As Miss Hollywood gave her aunt the biggest hug I've seen in a long time, I joined in. Then I hugged her mom. I did fine. And then, I looked up and my beautiful niece and handsome nephew were coming over. I started to lose it. They were wearing clothing items I gave them for Christmas...."perfect" for today. And, I started to cry.
This man lost his life suddenly and tragically. Such things, as I said to my mom, are the things you see on the news. You don't actually experience them. They don't happen to people you know. But then...you realize... they happen to someone and affect lives. A great man, an amazing and well-respected teacher/coach was laid to rest today. Pray for his family.
The second funeral will be here in the blink of an eye. I have arranged childcare as my kids don't need to attend this one. So, I do not have to "worry" about distractions of a two-year-old nature. I will have to allow myself to experience the emotions that I know will run high. This funeral is also for a well-loved, very respected teacher. This teacher is one of the main reasons I decided to go into elementary education. She is part of how I came to love fifth graders. I dream of one day having my own intermediate level classroom. I had adopted her as my mentor and always dreamed of having her to consult on teaching things. Methods, management, etc. She was an amazing and loving person who walked the walk, not just talked the talk. She lived a Christ-like life. She was an inspiration to many. She is deeply missed. I work (now) with one of her amazing daughters. Another long goodbye...albeit temporary...to be said.
I have felt even more reflective the past couple of weeks. I have, as an empath, experienced a broad range of emotions. I have experienced my own emotions as well. Sleep proves elusive most nights. My nightguard is only as effective as I allow it to be. I keep popping it out in the middle of the night. But sleep will come. I hope. My heart is heavy. My prayers continue for many. As I start my teaching career, the world says goodbye to two influential teachers who serve as reminders of why educators are important. Their successes in education are worth aspiring to and I, for one, will do so.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Rise of the phoenix
I am talking a lot more about my writing goals with people. As I felt a surge last week, I also felt more inclined to talk about my writing and hear about what others are writing. I have a new friend who has apparently designated me as his editor. Whatever that may or may not entail, even if it only lasts a short time, I'll take it. Again, something good emerged within me. I was being called an editor again, if only for a moment.
I continue to reconnect with people from my editor/publisher/journalist days and it feels amazing. These are people who never knew the real me. They knew part of me. But to see and hear how they love to "new" old me who they never really, truly knew makes me feel even more alive.
Tonight, I attended a church fundraiser that I helped co-ordinate. I got to be a little of my goofy self, wearing a silly St. Patrick's Day headband and posing for a picture. I got to be the grown-up vestry member I am. I got to be mom, daughter, and friend. I ate more pizza than I probably should have and finished with salad because I wanted it. As I sat back with my family and enjoyed being me, a fellow parishioner stopped by our table to say hello. Of course, he said more than hello. (We are also Facebook friends and he seems to get a kick out of some of my Facebook posts.) He started talking about something I posted recently. That evolved into a conversation between him and my dad about my writing, my ambitions, my goals....I caught parts, but not all. As he and my dad discussed my book writing goals, I did overhear our church friend say that a title that comes to mind is "The Rise of the Phoenix." I overheard something about "out of the ashes..." I smiled inside and out.
I understood the reference, of course. And it made me feel good. I have seen so many positive changes in myself and I am proud of myself. I believe that I am awesome and growing increasingly more awesome daily. (I am not perfect. I am not "a gift from God" in the arrogant sense, though I am gifted. I learn about myself and others daily. I am not cocky and at times I even border on suffering from depleted self-esteem. But at the end of the day, I recognize my awesomeness.) I've always had good things about me. But to rekindle and even further all that is good about myself, and also find other new good things, is such a blessing. Recognizing it in myself is one thing. Having people recognize it and share that fact with me is a great thing!
For those needing a little background on the mythology of the phoenix:
"Associated with the sun, a phoenix obtains new life by arising from the ashes of its predecessor." (from Wikipedia)
And from the ashes of my predecessor, I arose. I arose into awesomeness. I need to remember that more often. I need to hold onto that. Even on those days when I get a little down or frustrated, I am awesome. And there are so many great things still to come. For now, I need to keep writing. Keep working on making me the best me I can.
I find this reference especially interesting in the context of Lent and my Lenten commitment. For one, Lent kicks off with Ash Wednesday. Perhaps we are each our own phoenix in our own way every Lent. From ashes we can emerge as something even more great. With regard to my Lenten commitment, I am finding it a little easier each day. Over the weekend, I saw a post on Facebook: "Don't be the woman who needs a man, but be the woman a man needs." I liked it. I reposted it. And, I believe it. As I said in a previous post, I don't feel I need a man (though, I will reiterate the fact that I do feel a need for companionship). I do, however, want to continue to make myself the best possible woman I can be and in that, I will continue to work to make myself the kind of woman a man needs. A real man.
I continue to reconnect with people from my editor/publisher/journalist days and it feels amazing. These are people who never knew the real me. They knew part of me. But to see and hear how they love to "new" old me who they never really, truly knew makes me feel even more alive.
Tonight, I attended a church fundraiser that I helped co-ordinate. I got to be a little of my goofy self, wearing a silly St. Patrick's Day headband and posing for a picture. I got to be the grown-up vestry member I am. I got to be mom, daughter, and friend. I ate more pizza than I probably should have and finished with salad because I wanted it. As I sat back with my family and enjoyed being me, a fellow parishioner stopped by our table to say hello. Of course, he said more than hello. (We are also Facebook friends and he seems to get a kick out of some of my Facebook posts.) He started talking about something I posted recently. That evolved into a conversation between him and my dad about my writing, my ambitions, my goals....I caught parts, but not all. As he and my dad discussed my book writing goals, I did overhear our church friend say that a title that comes to mind is "The Rise of the Phoenix." I overheard something about "out of the ashes..." I smiled inside and out.
I understood the reference, of course. And it made me feel good. I have seen so many positive changes in myself and I am proud of myself. I believe that I am awesome and growing increasingly more awesome daily. (I am not perfect. I am not "a gift from God" in the arrogant sense, though I am gifted. I learn about myself and others daily. I am not cocky and at times I even border on suffering from depleted self-esteem. But at the end of the day, I recognize my awesomeness.) I've always had good things about me. But to rekindle and even further all that is good about myself, and also find other new good things, is such a blessing. Recognizing it in myself is one thing. Having people recognize it and share that fact with me is a great thing!
For those needing a little background on the mythology of the phoenix:
"Associated with the sun, a phoenix obtains new life by arising from the ashes of its predecessor." (from Wikipedia)
And from the ashes of my predecessor, I arose. I arose into awesomeness. I need to remember that more often. I need to hold onto that. Even on those days when I get a little down or frustrated, I am awesome. And there are so many great things still to come. For now, I need to keep writing. Keep working on making me the best me I can.
I find this reference especially interesting in the context of Lent and my Lenten commitment. For one, Lent kicks off with Ash Wednesday. Perhaps we are each our own phoenix in our own way every Lent. From ashes we can emerge as something even more great. With regard to my Lenten commitment, I am finding it a little easier each day. Over the weekend, I saw a post on Facebook: "Don't be the woman who needs a man, but be the woman a man needs." I liked it. I reposted it. And, I believe it. As I said in a previous post, I don't feel I need a man (though, I will reiterate the fact that I do feel a need for companionship). I do, however, want to continue to make myself the best possible woman I can be and in that, I will continue to work to make myself the kind of woman a man needs. A real man.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
"Do you have a man yet?" Nope...
As I mentioned in my last blog post, I had breakfast with someone who is very dear to me. "Grandpa Joe" regards me as "one of (his) kids." Yet, it had been so incredibly long since I had last seen him. As we got caught up yesterday, he asked, "So, do you have a man yet?" I said, "Nope." The conversation continued.
As the conversation went on, I explained "I don't need a man. I can take care of myself and my kids. My kids are my priority." And a few other thoughts to that effect. And then I added (for the first time), "But I think I do need companionship."
That is the first time I used that word in that way. I think that this whole Lenten commitment is starting to sort through some of my thoughts and feelings. I had said to him, "Not that I'm not looking." Because, well, I am. I haven't seen the Guardian in a couple of weeks and the last time I saw him was while he helped me with a car issue. But 1) He's young. 2) I was low priority and I don't want to be low priority. 3) I don't want to be in the relationship driver's seat. It's time for some romance. That was lacking. Big time. I have been on a couple of dates. I have had friends suggest setting me up. (That was a first in my life and here 10 days later I'm not sure it's going to happen. And, that's ok.)
I say I don't need a man. And in most ways, I do not. But wow...there is a void that needs to be filled. All of my friends are married or in otherwise committed relationships. Not having single people to hang out with is sort of a bummer at times. But then there are girls' nights which rock my world and I am learning how to be "the single friend" in a group of couples and my self-dates are AWESOME!
But, I said what I did about companionship. I think I am finally discovering that I am lacking in that department and that is what I want and need. Grandpa Joe went on to tell me that the only regret he has is not remarrying after his wife of many, many years died. He was afraid no one could love him the way she did. But, he has found that he misses the companionship.
Companionship.
Hmm....
I am a young, beautiful, talented, vibrant woman. A friend texted me earlier this week and said I could stop traffic. I replied to her, "That's great! I just wish it were traffic other than the immigrant farm workers." Yes, I admit it...I have that part of me come out every so often. The old, dirty, sweaty, short guys buying their 40 ounce beers after work who whistle inappropriately are not the kind of traffic I want to stop. Let's start with the whole respect thing. Ahh...yes, respect.
Beggers can't be choosers? Ha! Good thing I'm not begging, right?! Looking, yes. Keeping my eye open, you bet. Taking a chance here and there, absolutely! But I'm not begging. God will put the right person in my path at the right time. Last week, I realized that could be days, weeks, months, or even years. And I am ok with that. I am a complete person. I do not need another person to complete me. I do want a companion at some point in my life. Sure, there are other needs as well. But I think they all fall under the umbrella of companionship. So, I remain committed to my Lenten journey. I will see what comes my way. I will make myself available. But, I'm not going chasing. And I'm not going to get myself in a frenzy over all of this relationship stuff. I'm going to see how things play out. Whatever will be, will be. Right?! I have high expectations, but they are not unrealistic. I like a guy who smells good. Oh, bestill my heart... I like a guy who wants to live life. I like a guy who...works. *gasp* He's out there...somewhere. Maybe along the way I'll make some new friends. Who knows?! But I am more at peace with all of this than I have been in quite some time. Just taking things a day at a time and working to seize opportunities as they present themselves.
Someone remind me of this when I start acting like a dork. Please.
As the conversation went on, I explained "I don't need a man. I can take care of myself and my kids. My kids are my priority." And a few other thoughts to that effect. And then I added (for the first time), "But I think I do need companionship."
That is the first time I used that word in that way. I think that this whole Lenten commitment is starting to sort through some of my thoughts and feelings. I had said to him, "Not that I'm not looking." Because, well, I am. I haven't seen the Guardian in a couple of weeks and the last time I saw him was while he helped me with a car issue. But 1) He's young. 2) I was low priority and I don't want to be low priority. 3) I don't want to be in the relationship driver's seat. It's time for some romance. That was lacking. Big time. I have been on a couple of dates. I have had friends suggest setting me up. (That was a first in my life and here 10 days later I'm not sure it's going to happen. And, that's ok.)
I say I don't need a man. And in most ways, I do not. But wow...there is a void that needs to be filled. All of my friends are married or in otherwise committed relationships. Not having single people to hang out with is sort of a bummer at times. But then there are girls' nights which rock my world and I am learning how to be "the single friend" in a group of couples and my self-dates are AWESOME!
But, I said what I did about companionship. I think I am finally discovering that I am lacking in that department and that is what I want and need. Grandpa Joe went on to tell me that the only regret he has is not remarrying after his wife of many, many years died. He was afraid no one could love him the way she did. But, he has found that he misses the companionship.
Companionship.
Hmm....
I am a young, beautiful, talented, vibrant woman. A friend texted me earlier this week and said I could stop traffic. I replied to her, "That's great! I just wish it were traffic other than the immigrant farm workers." Yes, I admit it...I have that part of me come out every so often. The old, dirty, sweaty, short guys buying their 40 ounce beers after work who whistle inappropriately are not the kind of traffic I want to stop. Let's start with the whole respect thing. Ahh...yes, respect.
Beggers can't be choosers? Ha! Good thing I'm not begging, right?! Looking, yes. Keeping my eye open, you bet. Taking a chance here and there, absolutely! But I'm not begging. God will put the right person in my path at the right time. Last week, I realized that could be days, weeks, months, or even years. And I am ok with that. I am a complete person. I do not need another person to complete me. I do want a companion at some point in my life. Sure, there are other needs as well. But I think they all fall under the umbrella of companionship. So, I remain committed to my Lenten journey. I will see what comes my way. I will make myself available. But, I'm not going chasing. And I'm not going to get myself in a frenzy over all of this relationship stuff. I'm going to see how things play out. Whatever will be, will be. Right?! I have high expectations, but they are not unrealistic. I like a guy who smells good. Oh, bestill my heart... I like a guy who wants to live life. I like a guy who...works. *gasp* He's out there...somewhere. Maybe along the way I'll make some new friends. Who knows?! But I am more at peace with all of this than I have been in quite some time. Just taking things a day at a time and working to seize opportunities as they present themselves.
Someone remind me of this when I start acting like a dork. Please.
Choose your motto, cliche, saying and run with it
Carpe Diem
Seize the Day
Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today
Nothing ventured, nothing gained
You only live once (or "YOLO" as I've heard some younger people summarize it)
Life is short
***
Yep, there are tons of sayings, mottos, and cliches that summarize my thinking for the week. I was driving home Monday afternoon thinking about possibly sending an email message to someone. As I debated whether or not to send it, and frankly, what exactly I wanted to say, I found myself pondering "you only live once." This has come up a few times within the past couple of weeks. I've thought of it. I've had a friend say it to me. It's been a part of my thinking, periodically but not daily.
I sent a text to a friend. "What are your thoughts on the idea of 'you only live once'?"
Then, I checked Facebook. There was a post from my sister-in-law. Her dad had been involved in an accident. She requested prayer. Even before more information emerged, I was already finding myself immersing in some more of these "Carpe Diem" thoughts. Something in me grew stronger in my resolve to actually seize the day. Upon arriving home, I decided to send that email and the words flowed from my fingertips. This morning, I texted that same friend and told her of the email I'd sent. In her response, she included "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." Affirmation.
I am taking this to heart and I am attempting to apply it to as many aspects of my life as possible. My sister-in-law's father did not survive the night. I got that news by text in the middle of the night, but did not see it until first thing in the morning. My heart broke. More affirmation. Live life fully. Life is short. We are not promised tomorrow.
I was supposed to have breakfast with someone dear to me this morning. I nearly requested putting it off. I reminded myself of my commitment to not put things off until tomorrow really and figuratively. I called. We arranged the time and place. I reconnected with "Grandpa Joe" and I am thankful I had. I did not realize until we sat there talking that we had not talked much and we had not seen each other since having lunch together last summer. I had put things off. Far too long. As we talked, I learned of recent deaths in my former community. I also learned of people in the hospital "not doing well" and many, many changes occurring. I again committed myself to not putting things off. Grandpa Joe and I should be having lunch in just a couple of weeks.
There is no time like the present.
As I watched news broadcasts tonight, an image of my nephew sitting on his grandpa's lap flashed across the screen, multiple times. It was surreal. I knew that man. That boy is my nephew. Is this really happening? My heart broke all over again for my sister-in-law. For her mom. For my niece. For the entire family. Being an empath, times like these are especially difficult. I soak up so much emotion and I sometimes have difficulty processing through it all. I find myself shedding tears without warning. I feel my own emotions, but I also feel for, or with, others. Huge tears streamed down my face as I watched a news story tonight. Please pray for my brother's family. They need all of the strength that only God can give them. And in this, I am also finding myself further moved...moved to continue to live and enjoy life as fully and completely as I can. To not put things off. To remember to say "thank you" and "I love you." I pray this sense of urgency remains even as the emotions transition or even fade in some ways.
For right this moment...I am committed to seizing the day. Carpe Diem
I have always believed that life is for living and I have always done my best to live it to the fullest. Over the past year or so, I have been more interested in taking more risks, but I do hesitate at times. But, as my friend said today, "nothing ventured, nothing gained." I am no worse off if I take a risk and not have it become something. I am, however, closing myself off to possibilities if I do not take those risks.
And, you are doing the same.
Take a risk (ok, let's keep it at reasonable risk).
Make a choice to LIVE life and LOVE fully.
Do not put things off.
Appreciate each moment. (Even things that don't turn out as we hope, turn out as they should.)
Closed doors, opened windows...each and every experience makes us who we are. And, God has a plan for us. A plan for you. A plan for me. A plan for each and every person. We need to allow ourselves to live out His plan for us.
Life is fragile.
Tell those you love that you love them.
Hug your children.
Call your dad.
Cut your mom's hair.
Fold laundry.
Enjoy a "Sunday dinner" on a Tuesday.
Embrace today for tomorrow is not promised.
I wonder what tomorrow has in store. I suppose I'll just have see if and when it arrives. And, when it does arrive, I will give thanks for another day. I am hopeful for Friday as well. I will work to seize the day and embrace an opportunity.
Today, as I talked with a parent after school, I was asked if I was ready for summer vacation.
Nope, not really.
"I'm good," I said. "I'm really good."
I look forward to Easter because I am excited about taking CD and Miss Hollywood camping. But I love my students, I love my school, and I am attempting to take each day as it comes. One day at a time. I wouldn't change where I am or what I'm doing for anything right now. I choose to embrace it. To live it. To love it. And I hope to continue on my journey and meet my goal for this year of learning to love more fully and allowing myself to be loved more fully. Totally do-able. Right?! Yeah....totally.
So, which of the mottos, cliches, and sayings above do you choose? How will you roll with it? You aren't promised tomorrow, so you better choose now. Adopt it. Embrace it. Live it.
Seize the Day
Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today
Nothing ventured, nothing gained
You only live once (or "YOLO" as I've heard some younger people summarize it)
Life is short
***
Yep, there are tons of sayings, mottos, and cliches that summarize my thinking for the week. I was driving home Monday afternoon thinking about possibly sending an email message to someone. As I debated whether or not to send it, and frankly, what exactly I wanted to say, I found myself pondering "you only live once." This has come up a few times within the past couple of weeks. I've thought of it. I've had a friend say it to me. It's been a part of my thinking, periodically but not daily.
I sent a text to a friend. "What are your thoughts on the idea of 'you only live once'?"
Then, I checked Facebook. There was a post from my sister-in-law. Her dad had been involved in an accident. She requested prayer. Even before more information emerged, I was already finding myself immersing in some more of these "Carpe Diem" thoughts. Something in me grew stronger in my resolve to actually seize the day. Upon arriving home, I decided to send that email and the words flowed from my fingertips. This morning, I texted that same friend and told her of the email I'd sent. In her response, she included "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." Affirmation.
I am taking this to heart and I am attempting to apply it to as many aspects of my life as possible. My sister-in-law's father did not survive the night. I got that news by text in the middle of the night, but did not see it until first thing in the morning. My heart broke. More affirmation. Live life fully. Life is short. We are not promised tomorrow.
I was supposed to have breakfast with someone dear to me this morning. I nearly requested putting it off. I reminded myself of my commitment to not put things off until tomorrow really and figuratively. I called. We arranged the time and place. I reconnected with "Grandpa Joe" and I am thankful I had. I did not realize until we sat there talking that we had not talked much and we had not seen each other since having lunch together last summer. I had put things off. Far too long. As we talked, I learned of recent deaths in my former community. I also learned of people in the hospital "not doing well" and many, many changes occurring. I again committed myself to not putting things off. Grandpa Joe and I should be having lunch in just a couple of weeks.
There is no time like the present.
As I watched news broadcasts tonight, an image of my nephew sitting on his grandpa's lap flashed across the screen, multiple times. It was surreal. I knew that man. That boy is my nephew. Is this really happening? My heart broke all over again for my sister-in-law. For her mom. For my niece. For the entire family. Being an empath, times like these are especially difficult. I soak up so much emotion and I sometimes have difficulty processing through it all. I find myself shedding tears without warning. I feel my own emotions, but I also feel for, or with, others. Huge tears streamed down my face as I watched a news story tonight. Please pray for my brother's family. They need all of the strength that only God can give them. And in this, I am also finding myself further moved...moved to continue to live and enjoy life as fully and completely as I can. To not put things off. To remember to say "thank you" and "I love you." I pray this sense of urgency remains even as the emotions transition or even fade in some ways.
For right this moment...I am committed to seizing the day. Carpe Diem
I have always believed that life is for living and I have always done my best to live it to the fullest. Over the past year or so, I have been more interested in taking more risks, but I do hesitate at times. But, as my friend said today, "nothing ventured, nothing gained." I am no worse off if I take a risk and not have it become something. I am, however, closing myself off to possibilities if I do not take those risks.
And, you are doing the same.
Take a risk (ok, let's keep it at reasonable risk).
Make a choice to LIVE life and LOVE fully.
Do not put things off.
Appreciate each moment. (Even things that don't turn out as we hope, turn out as they should.)
Closed doors, opened windows...each and every experience makes us who we are. And, God has a plan for us. A plan for you. A plan for me. A plan for each and every person. We need to allow ourselves to live out His plan for us.
Life is fragile.
Tell those you love that you love them.
Hug your children.
Call your dad.
Cut your mom's hair.
Fold laundry.
Enjoy a "Sunday dinner" on a Tuesday.
Embrace today for tomorrow is not promised.
I wonder what tomorrow has in store. I suppose I'll just have see if and when it arrives. And, when it does arrive, I will give thanks for another day. I am hopeful for Friday as well. I will work to seize the day and embrace an opportunity.
Today, as I talked with a parent after school, I was asked if I was ready for summer vacation.
Nope, not really.
"I'm good," I said. "I'm really good."
I look forward to Easter because I am excited about taking CD and Miss Hollywood camping. But I love my students, I love my school, and I am attempting to take each day as it comes. One day at a time. I wouldn't change where I am or what I'm doing for anything right now. I choose to embrace it. To live it. To love it. And I hope to continue on my journey and meet my goal for this year of learning to love more fully and allowing myself to be loved more fully. Totally do-able. Right?! Yeah....totally.
So, which of the mottos, cliches, and sayings above do you choose? How will you roll with it? You aren't promised tomorrow, so you better choose now. Adopt it. Embrace it. Live it.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Finding a little more of myself thanks to Hamlet
Over the past year, I have finally been getting to more theater performances. I love theater. I have studied theater. I enjoy being in front of an audience, but I feel "fed" when I go and watch a good show. I've arranged travel weekends to Chico around certain theater productions. Last year, I also took CD to see Peter Pan locally. Did I mention that I love theater?
I spent two of my high school years at an arts high school. I appreciate the experiences I had there and I enjoy seeing what some of my former classmates are doing now. I returned to my traditional high school for my senior year because of some family circumstances. I do not regret that decision at all. Never have. I got a supporting role in the fall play and received an award for my performance. I reconnected with friends there and went on to get accepted to all six colleges to which I applied, including the American University in Paris. I also did a little journalistic writing that year. So everything started to come together.
When I faced academic dismissal from the University of Tennessee, I also had to again face "no regrets." I got a job and enrolled at the local JC. There I studied journalism more extensively and I took a handful of theater classes. What great experiences I had! It was during this time that I applied for my first journalism position. I met with the editor of a local paper. During an interview, he referred to me as "a frustrated actress." That got under my skin then and it bothers me still today. You see, I believe that God has used all of my time and all of my experiences to make me who I am. I rather like who I am. I am awesome. i believe that my acting experiences have made me a better entertainment writer. I have also co-ordinated art shows and other artistic events. The concert I put together for church last summer was incredible and I look forward to putting another such event together this year. I get to act in skits at church. I have also written skits for church. When I was involved in journalism at the JC, I participated in writing competitions at conferences. One year I received an "Honorable Mention" and another year I received a "First Place" for On-the-Spot Critical Review. I know what to look for, I know what works, and I know how to write about it. What more could someone ask for really?
Every so often, I rediscover another part of myself that I had somehow set aside, put on hold, or had otherwise forgotten. It hit me within the past couple of weeks that my love for Shakespeare was one such thing. I have always loved Shakespeare's work. I love reading it, performing it, viewing it. All of it. I'm not crazy about "Romeo and Juliet," but that's irrelevant really. The last scene I performed on stage, aside from that which I have done at church, was a Richard III scene at Shakespeare Night about 15 years ago! One of the monologues I used to audition for the arts high school was one from "Taming of the Shrew." I still know it today. I also still remember the "All the world is a stage..." monologue ("As You Like It") that my theater instructor at JC had us learn and perform. The same instructor who i enjoyed watching perform today. I felt this part of me reawaken in the past couple of weeks and I am so excited to now know of Merced Shakespearefest. I will most certainly look into it more. At the very least, I intend to attend more shows. Perhaps, though, this "frustrated actress" may give an audition a try. You never know...For now...
A little "play" writing for me....just an exercise in writing a brief review...
Merced Shakespearefest breathes new life into classic tragedy
Don't let the headline fool you. The deaths that make "Hamlet" the classic tragedy that it is still occur. The dialogue holds true to William Shakespeare's original work. However, the cast in Merced Shakespearefest's "Hamlet," as directed by Heike Hambley, brings something refreshing to this play, and some special additions bring a bit of something new and bold to the play.
Performed at the Merced Multicultural Art Center, the audience sits around, and at times essentially within, the action of the play. Hambley took some artistic liberty, and incorporated modern dress and cell phones into the play which offer a new perspective on an old favorite.
Modesto JC theater instructor Michael Lynch brings classic style to the role of Claudius, and at one point, you almost have sympathy for the character who really is the villain who sets everything in motion leading to unfortunate, untimely deaths of many. Colton Dennis delivers Hamlet's lines with such passion that pulls in the audience and captivates them in each and every moment. He does not simply deliver the lines, but he is Hamlet.
Hamlet and Ophelia (Emily Wilson) have a magical chemistry that ignites on stage. The possibility of the tragic end to their relationship comes through and the audience is left hoping that perhaps this time it will be different. Of course, it isn't.
Wilson's portrayal of Ophelia shows the transformation the young lady undergoes as her life unravels. The devastating blow comes with the death of her father, Polonius (Bert Roper). Wilson shines as Ophelia. Roper's delivery of lines at the beginning of Sunday's performance left something to be desired, but as the show continued, Polonius came alive, and Hambley's casting decision is justified. Another shining star in the cast is Greg Ruelas who's portrayal of Horatio moves play-goers in new ways. A whole different chemistry exists between Horatio and Hamlet.
From leading roles to all of the smaller parts, the cast pulls off interesting choices and brings the work of William Shakespeare alive. Though the Merced run has ended, the cast will take the show to Mariposa for two nights. Performances are scheduled for Friday, March 8 and Saturday, March 9 at the Mariposa Playhouse. If you have the opportunity to go, do. You don't want to miss this! "Hamlet" kicks off the Merced Shakespearefest's 12th season. Later this year, "As You Like It" will be performed at Applegate Park.
I spent two of my high school years at an arts high school. I appreciate the experiences I had there and I enjoy seeing what some of my former classmates are doing now. I returned to my traditional high school for my senior year because of some family circumstances. I do not regret that decision at all. Never have. I got a supporting role in the fall play and received an award for my performance. I reconnected with friends there and went on to get accepted to all six colleges to which I applied, including the American University in Paris. I also did a little journalistic writing that year. So everything started to come together.
When I faced academic dismissal from the University of Tennessee, I also had to again face "no regrets." I got a job and enrolled at the local JC. There I studied journalism more extensively and I took a handful of theater classes. What great experiences I had! It was during this time that I applied for my first journalism position. I met with the editor of a local paper. During an interview, he referred to me as "a frustrated actress." That got under my skin then and it bothers me still today. You see, I believe that God has used all of my time and all of my experiences to make me who I am. I rather like who I am. I am awesome. i believe that my acting experiences have made me a better entertainment writer. I have also co-ordinated art shows and other artistic events. The concert I put together for church last summer was incredible and I look forward to putting another such event together this year. I get to act in skits at church. I have also written skits for church. When I was involved in journalism at the JC, I participated in writing competitions at conferences. One year I received an "Honorable Mention" and another year I received a "First Place" for On-the-Spot Critical Review. I know what to look for, I know what works, and I know how to write about it. What more could someone ask for really?
Every so often, I rediscover another part of myself that I had somehow set aside, put on hold, or had otherwise forgotten. It hit me within the past couple of weeks that my love for Shakespeare was one such thing. I have always loved Shakespeare's work. I love reading it, performing it, viewing it. All of it. I'm not crazy about "Romeo and Juliet," but that's irrelevant really. The last scene I performed on stage, aside from that which I have done at church, was a Richard III scene at Shakespeare Night about 15 years ago! One of the monologues I used to audition for the arts high school was one from "Taming of the Shrew." I still know it today. I also still remember the "All the world is a stage..." monologue ("As You Like It") that my theater instructor at JC had us learn and perform. The same instructor who i enjoyed watching perform today. I felt this part of me reawaken in the past couple of weeks and I am so excited to now know of Merced Shakespearefest. I will most certainly look into it more. At the very least, I intend to attend more shows. Perhaps, though, this "frustrated actress" may give an audition a try. You never know...For now...
A little "play" writing for me....just an exercise in writing a brief review...
Merced Shakespearefest breathes new life into classic tragedy
Don't let the headline fool you. The deaths that make "Hamlet" the classic tragedy that it is still occur. The dialogue holds true to William Shakespeare's original work. However, the cast in Merced Shakespearefest's "Hamlet," as directed by Heike Hambley, brings something refreshing to this play, and some special additions bring a bit of something new and bold to the play.
Performed at the Merced Multicultural Art Center, the audience sits around, and at times essentially within, the action of the play. Hambley took some artistic liberty, and incorporated modern dress and cell phones into the play which offer a new perspective on an old favorite.
Modesto JC theater instructor Michael Lynch brings classic style to the role of Claudius, and at one point, you almost have sympathy for the character who really is the villain who sets everything in motion leading to unfortunate, untimely deaths of many. Colton Dennis delivers Hamlet's lines with such passion that pulls in the audience and captivates them in each and every moment. He does not simply deliver the lines, but he is Hamlet.
Hamlet and Ophelia (Emily Wilson) have a magical chemistry that ignites on stage. The possibility of the tragic end to their relationship comes through and the audience is left hoping that perhaps this time it will be different. Of course, it isn't.
Wilson's portrayal of Ophelia shows the transformation the young lady undergoes as her life unravels. The devastating blow comes with the death of her father, Polonius (Bert Roper). Wilson shines as Ophelia. Roper's delivery of lines at the beginning of Sunday's performance left something to be desired, but as the show continued, Polonius came alive, and Hambley's casting decision is justified. Another shining star in the cast is Greg Ruelas who's portrayal of Horatio moves play-goers in new ways. A whole different chemistry exists between Horatio and Hamlet.
From leading roles to all of the smaller parts, the cast pulls off interesting choices and brings the work of William Shakespeare alive. Though the Merced run has ended, the cast will take the show to Mariposa for two nights. Performances are scheduled for Friday, March 8 and Saturday, March 9 at the Mariposa Playhouse. If you have the opportunity to go, do. You don't want to miss this! "Hamlet" kicks off the Merced Shakespearefest's 12th season. Later this year, "As You Like It" will be performed at Applegate Park.
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