Rise of the phoenix

I am talking a lot more about my writing goals with people. As I felt a surge last week, I also felt more inclined to talk about my writing and hear about what others are writing. I have a new friend who has apparently designated me as his editor. Whatever that may or may not entail, even if it only lasts a short time, I'll take it. Again, something good emerged within me. I was being called an editor again, if only for a moment.

I continue to reconnect with people from my editor/publisher/journalist days and it feels amazing. These are people who never knew the real me. They knew part of me. But to see and hear how they love to "new" old me who they never really, truly knew makes me feel even more alive.

Tonight, I attended a church fundraiser that I helped co-ordinate. I got to be a little of my goofy self, wearing a silly St. Patrick's Day headband and posing for a picture. I got to be the grown-up vestry member I am. I got to be mom, daughter, and friend. I ate more pizza than I probably should have and finished with salad because I wanted it. As I sat back with my family and enjoyed being me, a fellow parishioner stopped by our table to say hello. Of course, he said more than hello. (We are also Facebook friends and he seems to get a kick out of some of my Facebook posts.) He started talking about something I posted recently. That evolved into a conversation between him and my dad about my writing, my ambitions, my goals....I caught parts, but not all. As he and my dad discussed my book writing goals, I did overhear our church friend say that a title that comes to mind is "The Rise of the Phoenix." I overheard something about "out of the ashes..." I smiled inside and out.

I understood the reference, of course. And it made me feel good. I have seen so many positive changes in myself and I am proud of myself. I believe that I am awesome and growing increasingly more awesome daily. (I am not perfect. I am not "a gift from God" in the arrogant sense, though I am gifted. I learn about myself and others daily. I am not cocky and at times I even border on suffering from depleted self-esteem. But at the end of the day, I recognize my awesomeness.) I've always had good things about me. But to rekindle and even further all that is good about myself, and also find other new good things, is such a blessing. Recognizing it in myself is one thing. Having people recognize it and share that fact with me is a great thing!

For those needing a little background on the mythology of the phoenix:
"Associated with the sun, a phoenix obtains new life by arising from the ashes of its predecessor." (from Wikipedia)

And from the ashes of my predecessor, I arose. I arose into awesomeness. I need to remember that more often. I need to hold onto that. Even on those days when I get a little down or frustrated, I am awesome. And there are so many great things still to come. For now, I need to keep writing. Keep working on making me the best me I can.

I find this reference especially interesting in the context of Lent and my Lenten commitment. For one, Lent kicks off with Ash Wednesday. Perhaps we are each our own phoenix in our own way every Lent. From ashes we can emerge as something even more great. With regard to my Lenten commitment, I am finding it a little easier each day. Over the weekend, I saw a post on Facebook: "Don't be the woman who needs a man, but be the woman a man needs." I liked it. I reposted it. And, I believe it. As I said in a previous post, I don't feel I need a man (though, I will reiterate the fact that I do feel a need for companionship). I do, however, want to continue to make myself the best possible woman I can be and in that, I will continue to work to make myself the kind of woman a man needs. A real man.