"Do you have a man yet?" Nope...

As I mentioned in my last blog post, I had breakfast with someone who is very dear to me. "Grandpa Joe" regards me as "one of (his) kids." Yet, it had been so incredibly long since I had last seen him. As we got caught up yesterday, he asked, "So, do you have a man yet?" I said, "Nope." The conversation continued.

As the conversation went on, I explained "I don't need a man. I can take care of myself and my kids. My kids are my priority." And a few other thoughts to that effect. And then I added (for the first time), "But I think I do need companionship."

That is the first time I used that word in that way. I think that this whole Lenten commitment is starting to sort through some of my thoughts and feelings. I had said to him, "Not that I'm not looking." Because, well, I am. I haven't seen the Guardian in a couple of weeks and the last time I saw him was while he helped me with a car issue. But 1) He's young. 2) I was low priority and I don't want to be low priority. 3) I don't want to be in the relationship driver's seat. It's time for some romance. That was lacking. Big time. I have been on a couple of dates. I have had friends suggest setting me up. (That was a first in my life and here 10 days later I'm not sure it's going to happen. And, that's ok.)

I say I don't need a man. And in most ways, I do not. But wow...there is a void that needs to be filled. All of my friends are married or in otherwise committed relationships. Not having single people to hang out with is sort of a bummer at times. But then there are girls' nights which rock my world and I am learning how to be "the single friend" in a group of couples and my self-dates are AWESOME!

But, I said what I did about companionship. I think I am finally discovering that I am lacking in that department and that is what I want and need. Grandpa Joe went on to tell me that the only regret he has is not remarrying after his wife of many, many years died. He was afraid no one could love him the way she did. But, he has found that he misses the companionship.

Companionship.

Hmm....

I am a young, beautiful, talented, vibrant woman. A friend texted me earlier this week and said I could stop traffic. I replied to her, "That's great! I just wish it were traffic other than the immigrant farm workers." Yes, I admit it...I have that part of me come out every so often. The old, dirty, sweaty, short guys buying their 40 ounce beers after work who whistle inappropriately are not the kind of traffic I want to stop. Let's start with the whole respect thing. Ahh...yes, respect.

Beggers can't be choosers? Ha! Good thing I'm not begging, right?! Looking, yes. Keeping my eye open, you bet. Taking a chance here and there, absolutely! But I'm not begging. God will put the right person in my path at the right time. Last week, I realized that could be days, weeks, months, or even years. And I am ok with that. I am a complete person. I do not need another person to complete me. I do want a companion at some point in my life. Sure, there are other needs as well. But I think they all fall under the umbrella of companionship. So, I remain committed to my Lenten journey. I will see what comes my way. I will make myself available. But, I'm not going chasing. And I'm not going to get myself in a frenzy over all of this relationship stuff. I'm going to see how things play out. Whatever will be, will be. Right?! I have high expectations, but they are not unrealistic. I like a guy who smells good. Oh, bestill my heart... I like a guy who wants to live life. I like a guy who...works. *gasp* He's out there...somewhere. Maybe along the way I'll make some new friends. Who knows?! But I am more at peace with all of this than I have been in quite some time. Just taking things a day at a time and working to seize opportunities as they present themselves.

Someone remind me of this when I start acting like a dork. Please.