A few years ago, I wrote a 40x40 list. There were excerpts from this list that were posted in my bedroom. Early on, I realied that there was one item on my list that was unattainable. Re-marry by age 40. So, I crossed it off the list. Perhaps unattainable is an inaccurate description. Inaccurately written is more precise.
I wish to find love
Real love.
By age 40.
And, that, I did.
I found love for self. I found new ways to fully and completely love my children. I joke that I am married to my children and my parents, but there is a lot of truth to that statement.
Here's what I know. I am devoted to my parents and my children. I am committed to them. I am tied to them. Always and forever. It's not perfect all of the time, but as in other ways, I am perfect in my imperfections. I know that when I return home each night, I have two retired educators who will talk to me, listen to me, and guide me. I know that my experiences as a mom directly impact who I am as a teacher, and vice versa. I know that if and when someone enters my life, they must be ready to enter my life fully and that includes my commitments and my passions.
I am passionate about what I am doing as an educator. i love the magic happening in my classroom. I appreciate opportunities to attend and present at conferences. It works for me.
As my 40th birthday approaches, I find myself reflective.
Do I wish I had a date now and then?
Sure, of course.
But I am thankful for what I have.
Thus begins the weird ramblings of this post reflective of my thinking.
I have attended and presented at conferences. i have walked slowly through the produce section at the grocery store. I have tried online dating. I attend my kids' events. I have and will continue to collaborate with other educators. I keep an eye out while not searching. And I have not had a date in close to three years. I have had a couple of pseudo-dates, but hard to call them dates. I am who I am. I have come to appreciate opportunities to share with other educators. I have have taken myself on self-dates. I have taken my kids out to special places. I may not be married again by age 40, and that's ok. I am surrounded by love and I have come to know myself better.
I may not be or have the Hollywood ending, but I have my life. It is an ongoing, amazing life. And, for that, I am thankful. Day by day, we make it work, we shoose love.
Yep, that guy in the produce section will remain a dream. Connecting with someone at a family event is not going to happen. And I have figured out, I am cool with all of it. It will all come together in the time it should. Timing is everything and totally out of my hands. For now, I am married to my parents and my children. Maybe 'll have a date soon. Maybe I won't. But I will know this. I will turn 40 and I am fearless, fabulous and 40. If a date comes, it does. If it doesn't, that's ok too.
Step by step.
Day by day.
Follow your passions.
Want to read more about my passions? Visit eduawesomeadventure.come to read about the awesomeness that I have chosen.
