I had an incredible epiphany today!
For years, I heard that I acted "snobby." Early in my marriage I was told, "I don't like the way you act when you're on the phone with S. You act like a snob." He would tell me that he needed to get the LA out of me. I was a strong, confident woman. Sure, I had issues here and there and had moments where I struggled with self-esteem. But, I knew if I put my mind to something, I would do it. Some of that lasted through the years, but some of it did not. Afterall, I started to believe I was a snob and that was not ok.
Today, I had an important telephone meeting. I started my day early and put myself together just as if I were heading to an office for a meeting. I wanted to look good because I knew it would come through the other end of the line.
I have noticed lately that I walk more with my shoulders back and my head held high. I believe very strongly in what I am doing. The more I believe, the more I achieve. I envision good and amazing things happening and they are happening. Are they happening overnight? Nope. But my hard work and my confidence pays off daily.
So, that epiphany I had today. You see, I never was a snob. I didn't act snobby. I acted confidently. Over the years I allowed that confidence to be peeled away by another person. Never again. I will only surround myself with people who build me up, support me, see me through, and help me make things happen.
When I got engaged, our parents said to both of us that we needed to work. My "AA" was nearly complete and I was figuring out which direction to go next. I had already secured seasonal retail employment. I started searching for something more substantial. I started a new job after the holidays. While working that full time job, I also started my freelance writing career. I eventually parted ways with the company for which I worked full time and within a matter of months, I took on full time employment with one of the newspaper publishers for whom I had done some freelance writing. I worked 70-80 hours many weeks. When I faced burn-out, I started seeking another source of employment and at that point got involved in education. I made sure I had another job lined up before leaving the previous one. I also re-entered student life, going back to finish my "BA." I constantly worked for the next goal. I constantly worked to have something new lined up before leaving a job. I learned a lot from my parents. We could not afford for me to not work. So, I worked. Even when we were publishing our own newspaper, I worked one or two other jobs. I carried the weight of our publishing business while substitute teaching and teaching adult school. I am a go-getter in every regard. The trouble, though, was despite putting forth all of this energy, I struggled to make it. I never felt like I could catch my breath. I never felt that I could get ahead. It felt like one step forward, two steps back at times. I carried myself as well as I could, but there was something missing. I lacked confidence. Much of that confidence had been replaced by fear and doubt. That is now a thing of the past.
I have regained my confidence, and some. I am confident. I am beautiful. I am a go-getter channeling that positive energy into everything I do, all aspects of my life. I have created a list of 40 things I will do and accomplish by my 40th birthday. And I will do it. I will succeed. When I say I know I am better than someone, I say it out of belief in myself rather than any sort of snobbiness. I believe in myself because I am the best me that I can be and I get better and better each and every day.
Some may call me a snob. That's their prerogative. I know better. I am confident and I will use my confidence to go far. Where will their name-calling get them? Even my six-year-old can see the difference and knows better than to say such things to another person.
If you want to get something done, go do it. If you want a new job, go get it. If you want to move ahead, move yourself forward. Believe in yourself. Trust yourself. Have confidence and maintain control of your confidence. It is yours. Anyone else can worry about themselves. You worry about you. You're the only one who can do it right.
It's awesome to have BEKAH back! This chick rocks! Where will you discover your inner awesomeness?
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