This week, we started our meetings in preparation for the year ahead. It was wonderful to see my colleagues and set off on a new adventure. On Tuesday, we had a retreat. During the retreat, we spent a lot of time in different forms of prayer. The first designated prayer time brought me more peace than I have felt in a very long time, possibly ever. We went out and found our own places to focus on a centering thought, clear our heads, be still and be quiet. We could choose our own word to focus on that would bring us back to the point of stillness and quietness.
I grabbed my picnic blanket from my car and found a place on a small grass area in the sun. Sitting in the sun always brings me some peace in itself. I sat, closed my eyes, and worked to become quiet and still. The word I chose was the word that has been the focus of some of my book writing this summer and is important in many aspects of my life: LOVE. I could hear people coming and going from the parking lot and cars driving down the nearby street. I knew I would have to tune all that out. I used my word. LOVE. Love. love. I grew quieter and more still. Then I heard birds. I chose one bird to focus on as a centering thought entered my mind. Do all things WITH and IN LOVE. [If I do all that I do with love and in love, then the world is a better place.] As I focused on the sound of one bird singing, everything else dropped away. Stillness surrounded me. I entered a place of peace like never before. A breeze came up and blew across me bringing me even more peace. I appreciated this time. I needed this time. More happened during the retreat and interestingly, much of it had to do with love. Love. LOVE. The leader of our retreat ended later in the day reminding us that we are called to be both Mary and Martha. We pray, we function as disciples, and we also serve, and take action. The other prayer times had different types of prayer for us to try. Still, the first of the day set my heart and mind right where I needed it and it is the type of prayer I want more of in my life. A goal: I will work to incorporate more still, quiet, prayer time in my daily life and work.
After leaving the retreat, I was about halfway home when I realized that this icky anxiety was creeping in and it made no sense. I was at peace. Thanks to some recent conversations with S, I could recognize what it was. "Get behind me Satan," I said out loud. "You have no place here." And I turned my thoughts back to God. The anxiety started to melt away. I shared this story with S the following day when she shared her own experience of recognizing Satan's attempt to infiltrate. After this conversation with her, I entered a meeting for the Raise the Roof event I am helping co-ordinate at church and we had a productive, focused meeting. The event is now just a week away. We need to be ready. We are. We will be. It will rock. We will Raise the Roof and it's not "my" event or even the church's event. This is God's event.
Flashforward to more days. I recounted this whole story to my mom. I talked to her about my conversation with S, but focused primarily on my experience of the retreat day. I repeated a couple of times about telling Satan to get lost. And added, "I know it's not that I'm more vulnerable, but it's more like I'm a target." As we are. When our faith is strong, when we find peace, Satan will fight to get to us. Someone who lacks or chooses not to have a strong faith in God is of little to no interest. After this conversation with my mom, I set out on my day. I had a big day ahead, much to do. I had rearranged my day and felt good about how it was shaping up. I entered the day with confidence. After finishing some errands closer to home, I set out on my drive to work. I had some things I needed to get done there. Partway there, my car started acting funny. I called my dad. We decided together that I needed to turn around and bring the car to my mechanic. I chose to use a safe place to make this turn around rather than using a smaller country road. As I turned into the parking lot of a gas station, the car just quit altogether. I felt anger, frustration, fear but I acted out of love, patience, and strength. My worries subsided as I found everything would work out ok and I knew I would have time to get the work done I needed to do. I got towed back to my mechanic. He had the car fixed and ready to go within a couple of hours. In the midst of this, I re-focused. I kicked out the anger, fear, and frustration and focused on what I could do. I posted this status update:
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