Keeping up appearances and more

"You know...I've been looking forward to this for a long time..."

I am sitting here watching Sideways and thinking of how it is the perfect watch for right here, right now. Writing and friendship are involved. Both are important to me. I will come back to this later. But first, I shall take a look at how keeping up appearances is a rather huge deal...

So, now, let me take a moment and share with you some of the most amazing parts of my life. They are far from the most beautiful, but they are what make life amazing.

On Monday, I shared this picture of CD. This kid amazes me. He shines at every moment. Except, for when he struggles. Now, for me (to me), he still shines, but he has his struggles. As you look at this picture of amazingness, you don't see what happened a few short minutes earlier. At the start of our Putt-Putt game, I realized I had forgotten the score card. CD insisted I grab one. So...I obliged. We kept score, We cheered each other on and then...he had a terrible hole. Not a bad hole, a TERRIBLE hole. He was frustrated beyond anything you could ever imagine. It was awful. He cried. And so, I replied, "Shall we stop keeping score?" He agreed we should. And then...he cried. I hugged him. I snuggled him. I loved him. He is my boy. I am his mom. This was the moment that meant more than anything any picture could ever capture. He tore up the score card. We went on to play and have fun. Life was awesome. And then....only then....did I capture this moment.

This...this is my girl. We have our struggles. I will never show in a Facebook or other social media post what our struggles are like. I will not divulge them in detail here. But, I can tell you this,,,these pictures are the ones I capture because these are the moments worth capturing. I need to remember when her eyes sparkle. I need to remember when she smiles. Because when she lashes out at me in the evenings it is not because she is mean. It is not because she is something other than loving. It is because she feels safe. She is my girl. I am her mama. We need to tear up the score card. We need to look beyond the hurtful, difficult moments and love each other through the most difficult of times. Miss Hollywood makes my life complete. If only she knew it.

As they spend Thanksgiving away, I give thanks for them. On Friday, I will hug them and love them and hold them close.

See...here's the thing. It's easy to get wrapped up in the crazy, It's easy to respond in kind. The part that takes work is stepping back and loving them through the difficult times. And so,  I do my best. I am far from perfect, but I am getting better. We must take it step by step and remember perfection is a myth. Love begins with me. And then so, too, can it begin with them.

So...here I am. Writing. Remembering. Thinking of friendship. And yet...also giving thanks for these two wonders who complete my world. I will watch things such as Sideways when they are visiting other family while appreciating what they give and bring to me. What they make me. How they complete me. Tomorrow, I shall spend the day with friends, but I look forward to Friday and loving these two amazing kids, I may choose to show the images that keep up appearances while knowing what is happening "behind the scenes" but is it really keeping up appearances? Or, perhaps...those appearances are made possible by the difficult times. The times we struggle. The times we hug. The times that the camera cannot capture. Still, those appearances capture the overall greatness that is life. Without the sad, difficult, frustrating times, we cannot fully appreciate the smile, the love, the sparkly eyes. Life is good. I am blessed.