Saying goodbye (My sweet Elizabeth)

*Note: I started to write this over six months ago. I walked away from it and have not posted a blog since. I am now in a place where I need to write again. I have a series of posts that will look at some travel experiences and tips. But I vowed to myself last year that I would not write here until I finished this post. So, first, I will finish this post. This is one of the most difficult things I have ever written and that is why I went on a writing hiatus. Alas, here I am. Ready to write. Therefore, it is time to finish this. Properly. RR 2/17/2020

I had applied to six colleges/universities: University of Tennessee, University of Nebraska, Indiana University, Plymouth College (NH), Chico State, and my "dream school" the American University of Paris. I had received acceptance letters from the first five and decided I should choose from among them. I chose the University of Tennessee. Then, a

letter arrived. I considered changing my decision. It was, afterall, my dream. Once my mom said that I likely wouldn't be able to travel home for Christmas if I was in Paris (though she supported my decision whatever I chose), it was clear that I would go to Tennessee. Family contact was too important to me. At this point in my senior year, I had returned to my regular high school from the LA County HS for the Arts (purely, 100% my choice in my commitment to family), my dad had taken a job six hours away, my mom had gone on medical retirement, and my grandmother had died. The dream of attending school in Paris was not worth being so far from family. My freshman year at UT was imperfect (at best). And, it was one of the most influential years of my life. I learned much about myself, but it is the relationships built that extended my sense of family. Before sunrise Friday morning, I will board a plane to Atlanta. The young lady on the left will greet me once on the ground at ATL. Then, we travel together to say our last goodbyes (or "see you laters") to the young lady in the middle. I created this for them back in 1996. I found a copy in my trunk in my storage unit today. I will make a copy of it to carry with me Friday. We may not know why things play out the way the do. But, in the end, there is a reason for everything. I believe that with all my heart. These three crazy teenagers grew into adult friends who have loved and supported each other through life's ups and downs. The song lyrics I typed on that note 23 years ago were never more true than they are right now. And while my heart hurts, this friendship is something I would not trade for anything in the world. Not a University in Paris, not for not experiencing this loss, not one thing. I am better because I made that decision 24 years ago to attend UT. 


One day, I found myself sitting on the floor outside of my dorm room. Birgitta and Elizabeth were nearby neighbors. They "swooped in" and scooped me up. They took me under their wings. They became instant friends. We were well into the the school year. They were there. The friendships forged that day are special and unique and wonderful. I dreamed of one day moving to Atlanta. We planned (albeit somewhat jokingly) that we would one day all live on the same street. Birgitta and Elizabeth promised they would always watch over me or "be in the bushes." And then the ugly C-word came into our lives. Several months out, I remain sad, angry, and frustrated. F-Cancer. Within less than a year colon cancer ripped two of my best friends from the world. One I met as an adult. The other, was my sweet Elizabeth. She always told it like it was. Yet listened.

When I went through my divorce several years ago, she called. She tried to talk and walk me through, but she listened to every word I had to say. She was like a big sister.

When she was diagnosed in 2018, I booked a flight for Miss K and me to go to Atlanta. I knew better than to waste time. The day after burying another friend who died of colon cancer, I was being picked up by Elizabeth for a day out and about in Atlanta. Our girls hit it off instantly. 

We once talked of living down the street from each other. We talked of our kids growing up together. To see our girls hit it off so famously made it all come together.

And then. In 2019, things worsened. Just before the end of the school year, she left us. It still seems surreal. And it hurts. So much. Dreams shattered. A friendship gone a different direction than we ever could have imagined. I am sad, sometimes angry. How could the world lose such an amazing soul as this?

But....

but...

Yes, but...in her time here, she was such a blessing. I am better for having known her. The world is better because Elizabeth Clark Owens Estes was a part of it.

Four years ago, I was in Southern Alabama. She and her husband drove with their three girls and a foster baby to come meet me. We walked and talked. We ate together. It wasn't exactly what we hoped in our visit, but it was what we needed. I love her. I miss her. I am thankful for everything she was in my life. I am thankful for that day she stopped and figuratively and literally picked me up off the floor and became my friend. 

I could have gone to the American University in Paris and my life would be entirely different. I am thankful for the course that played out from the moment I selected the University of Tennessee. It as a windy road, but here I am. And whole not without pain and loss, it is an awesome place to be.