I want to put a few questions out there for the readers. If you have gone through divorce or are in the process of divorce, please share as much or as little as you are willing to share. This goes along with one of the chapter ideas I am working to develop. It's all about the image of marriage versus your actuality.
The questions:
What image of marriage did you have before you married? Were they positive or negative or somewhere in the middle?
What examples had been set for you throughout your lives?
How hopeful were you as you entered marriage?
When did you realize you hadn't developed into that original image? Or, was your original image confirmed, perhaps to your disappointment?
How did you feel?
I always had a very positive image of marriage. The examples set for me were great. When my nana died in 2010, she and my grandfather were exactly one month from their 63rd wedding anniversary. I know their marriage was not perfect. I know they had their struggles (primarily long before my time). But what I saw growing up was something to aspire to and I greatly admired what they had. My parents have now been married for over 40 years. Their marriage hasn't been easy. They've been through a lot together. I remember quite vividly the day a few years ago when my dad was upset with me because I often took up for him and I wasn't always particularly nice to my mom. He said,"your mom and I love each other. We will be married forever" and while I don't remember the exact words he spoke, I remember something he said that struck me as their love for each other will stretch far beyond this world. I truly believe I've seen that with my grandparents as well. When I was newly married, I was driving into town one day when I saw an elderly couple walking hand-in-hand. I remember how my heart warmed by seeing that. I hoped to have that. I always thought that I would marry and it would last forever. I was more or less opposed to divorce. I didn't like the idea of it. But what I know about myself, as well, is the idea of "staying together for the kids" is something that has always bothered me. It took me time to realize that the marriage I had never actually fit into the image I had. When you find yourself saying things such as "I wasn't really allowed to hang things on the walls" you realize that a true partnership never really existed. And that's what marriage is. It is supposed to be a partnership. There will be give and take, but it shouldn't be lopsided. By the time I left, I felt like a shell of myself. I didn't know who I was anymore, but I knew that who I was wasn't who I wanted to be. I may never have another relationship again. I have some definite trust issues. I am putting raising my two children at the top of my priority list. And for now, I am ok with that. I do wonder what is out there. It just isn't an actual priority right now. I know that real, true love and partnerships exist because I've seen them. So, my belief in love still exists and slowly, but surely I'm getting over the issues I had with divorce. At this point, I have to. And so, I take it step-by-step. How about you?
As I wrote some of this, an image of breaking free from chains came to mind which got me singing "Hold On" by Wilson Phillips which led to me looking up the lyrics which led to me looking up the video. While not all of it applies exactly as the lyrics are written, I think this is a good time to share it. Somehow, it fits. In the meantime, if you could please share some of your "images" and experiences with me, I would appreciate it. If you feel more comfortable posting anonymously, that's totally cool with me. I completely understand. Thank you ladies!
The following is another that comes to mind and has helped me through many ups and downs in life, but it reminds me that God will see me through all of it.
MercyMe "Hold Fast"
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