Letters to Granddad

It was the morning of Sunday, September 21, 2014. I had just dropped CD off with his dad and Miss Hollywood was going to church with her grandparents. I was in the car, making the drive that I make most weekday mornings. But this was Sunday. I was driving to work to attend mass. I do enjoy attending mass with my colleagues. I always get something special out of attending mass at the church attached to the school where I work. I had been having allergy issues. I felt a slight tightness in my chest. I stretched a bit and it went away. Then, my thoughts turned to granddad. I needed to write to him. I was now less than two weeks from my arrival at his house. I had planned this weekend in July. I looked forward to it. I was excited. I needed to write and tell him some of my thoughts for the weekend. I knew we needed to celebrate his birthday. I also wanted to be sure I took him to his coffee klatch. I began constructing an email letter in my head knowing that my uncle would print it for him the next day if not that day so he would read it soon. Of course, when I arrived home a few hours later, instead of sitting at my computer to write that email, I was shocked into reality and began processing the death of my beloved granddad. First, the letter I would have written.

Dear granddad,
My trip is about two weeks away. I'm really looking forward to coming to see you. I think we'll have another great weekend together. I have taken care of all the arrangements. I think you would be proud of me as I booked my airfare and car rental for less than I normally pay for a plane ticket. I know you didn't like my decision to rent a car in February, but this really will work well, I think. My plane arrives around 1 p.m. I should be at your house by 2:30 or 3. I have tried to see if any high school friends are available during the weekend, but my primary reason for the visit, of course, is to see you. Since I'm able to stay until Monday, would you prefer we celebrate your birthday Saturday evening or Sunday? I thought maybe we could do a barbecue. We can cook breakfast together Sunday morning, of course. It will be so fun to be in the kitchen with you again. Monday morning, though, I want to take you to Rick's. I hope it's ok for me to tag along with the "boys." My flight leaves at 3:30 on Monday. I will need to leave by about noon, I imagine. That may change if someone can meet me in the late morning, but I suspect that will be the time I leave. Is there anything you need to do? We can run errands once I arrive Saturday and we'll have some time Sunday.
Love,
Bekah Sue

The letter for now:
Dear granddad,
I am boarding a plane on Saturday to come see you. The thing is, you're not there. Things are working out just as they need, but I am having a really hard time with this. I was sure you would be there, but you knew different.Things are going well at work. But even better than that, I passed the last of my Google Educator exams and now have a certificate hanging on the wall of my classroom. I am a Google Educator. That basically means that I have some specialty tech knowledge. This is super exciting for me. I have some more things I hope to accomplish in the coming years, but that's the first big step. I'll keep my eye on Google Teacher Academy opportunities and apply again. Maybe this time I'll get it. This is the one that once I complete it, I'll be Google Certified. That sounds like an awesome achievement to me. This is all in line with what I want to do and where I want to go. I told myself that I wanted you to see me graduate. You did. Then I wanted you to see me finish my credential. You did. Then I wanted you to see what I could do as a teacher. You did. You were right. I was born to be a teacher. I am so thankful that now you and nana are reunited. I have to believe that you are. We all miss you so much. I think (CD) watched every Giants game last week in part to remember your baseball letters that he loved so much. Did you know that the Giants won the Wild Card tonight? They are headed to the playoffs! It would be fun to see the Giants face your Dodgers. Derek Jeter played his final game. He's now retired. I imagine that would make nana happy. I hope I made you proud. I hope you will know the things I continue to do. I am where I am and doing what I do in large part because of you. You inspired me. You encouraged me. You supported me though so much. Thank you. I appreciate you. I appreciate all you did for me. I will always be your Bekah Sue. I love you and I miss you. I will work hard to continue to make you proud.
Love,
Bekah Sue

Over recent years, granddad had been sending items back to us. I received back letters I had written, pictures, and various memories from throughout my life. The last thing I received back from him was a letter I wrote to him just a couple of months before my life changed significantly. It was an interesting, and difficult, step back in life. He had included in it a family picture that was strategically cut to show me, CD, and Miss Hollywood as a family. I admittedly giggled a little. I put it all away. It might be difficult for the kids to see. But for me, it was an interesting thing to receive. CD always received baseball letters, especially after the Dodgers and Giants played. This September, Connor would not receive such a note. The first time we put on a game after granddad died, CD seemed to have a difficult time. I think he knows. He remembers. He's been watching more baseball than ever. And the Giants are winning which make it event more special. It could just be because we just went to a game and he was excited as we prepared to go. Or, it could be a connection he feels to granddad. Whatever it is, it's CD's journey. And he is making it. I will often think of letters to write to granddad. This will stay with me forever, I am certain.

On a side note....
Last weekend, the Rock at Whittier College was painted in honor of my granddad. Uncle Bubba made the arrangements. It was so fitting that it was Palmers who painted it.

Thank you, granddad for all you were, all you did, and all you helped me become.