A new chapter begins

Since my last post, our family has been in a period of transition.

I traveled to SoCal and spent time sitting in my granddad's den, looking through pictures, reading things he had written, going through books, and thinking. I spent a lot of time thinking. And crying.

Then, I went numb. I felt very little emotion. I immersed myself in work and spent free time preparing things for the memorial. My tears had completely subsided.

Just a couple of days before we left to travel for the memorial, we learned that my dad was losing his driving privileges. We knew the time was coming. We had already started making adjustments. We already knew that I would do the driving for our upcoming trip, but now it was a necessity. Now, it was a reality that we were facing together. Into the future, we headed... full on.

The memorial brought together family near and far. For some, it had been over 20 years since I last saw them. We shared stories. We remembered granddad. We honored granddad. We again took another step into the future.

As Christmas neared, preparation was in full effect. We had much to do and little time to do it. I spent my weekends taking my parents places they needed to go. We had little time for baking. CD and Miss Hollywood each had recital weekends. We had busy schedules and one driver. One day, I had to enlist help from others because of my work schedule. It took five people to cover everything because of my having to work late. But, they did it. They found ways to make things work. WE found ways to make it all work.

We have fully entered and started "writing" the next chapter. We enter a world without granddad. We all miss him terribly and we are all navigating through things in our own ways. The important thing is that we do it together however and whenever possible. Granddad would want that. As I sit here writing this, it still seems surreal that he's not sitting across the room from me. At the same time, we are fully engaged in a time when I need to remember to ask for help when I need it. It has always been difficult for me to do and sometimes I fear leaning on people too heavily. Setting aside pride and asking for help is a must. More importantly, I must set all fear aside. I must step confidently into and through this chapter in life. With my parents and my children heavily reliant on me, I find myself adjusting priorities some. Social things take a backseat to a great degree. Though, I do still try to find time for myself. I am thankful for the friends who are accommodating and helpful in this. My Chico has been incredibly important to me and valued deeply. I hope I am able to let her know. My conversations with S have been fewer and farther between, but we do what we can and pick up where we leave off and we help each other through the good, the bad, and the ugly...everything life has to offer. An awesome experience I am looking forward to is attending a conference with her in March! In fact, it overlaps my birthday, so I'm sure we'll make it something even more special.

I see great things ahead. And this week, someone shared with me an article that helped me keep my head screwed on straight through it.

A first point I especially liked was "you are inherently sexy." I like that. I like the point behind it. But, I would take it to another level. YOU ARE INHERENTLY BEAUTIFUL. Everyone has beauty in some way. I believe strongly in my beauty. I have bad days. Everyone does. I struggle to see my outer beauty at times, but my inner beauty gets me through. And when I spend time focusing on my inner beauty, I see my outer beauty more. Still, it's good to remember that I'm sexy, too, and that there is someone, somewhere who sees it (or will see it) too. Remembering that perks up the ego a bit. Let's face it, even people who practice regular positive talk have a moment of struggle every now and then. And then, it gets better. Positive self-talk is a must! Accepting those moments of struggle and moving on from them is key to maintaining a positive attitude. If you stumble, pick yourself up and move on. That is what I am doing this month. picking myself up and moving forward into this new chapter.

The other two points that stood out to me in that HuffPost article can really be summed up in one of my favorite quotes.attributed to Julian of Norwich:
"And all will be well."

As this new chapter begins: there are some unknowns, there are some concerns, there will be tears, there will be frustration...and there will be joy, laughter, smiles, love, hugs, dancing, running, writing, and greatness. Greatness is ahead. So, let's roll....all will be well.

Stay tuned for my annual new year post, too.

Merry Christmas. Peace and love be yours today and always.