Love

Having come to the realization (through exploring memories, my soul, and my heart) that I don't believe I have every actually EXPERIENCED TRUE romantic LOVE has created in me a stir of emotions and questions...and peace. S believes there is love out "there" somewhere, sometime for me and that God will put someone in my path somehow, some way. That may be. And, it may not. I'm not going to go looking for it. I tried that. I failed. I don't beat myself up over it. It is what it is. It is fact.

Despite not having experienced such love (not that I haven't felt it for someone, just that I have not EXPERIENCED it. I honestly don't believe anyone has actually felt that way for me and that's ok), I DO have an amazing love in my life. I have my children. No, it does not replace romantic love. I have no desire for one to be able to replace the other. Again, it is what it is. But the love I have for my children absolutely fills me with joy. And the love they show me makes my heart explode with joy. It's a pretty awesome thing.

So, tonight, I was reading stories to the kids before bed. We had spent a good portion of the evening working on our scarecrow. We had met not only with satisfaction, but with pleasure upon seeing our creation. And then, it started to lean. So, we "fixed" it. And then it started to lean again. And then again and again and some more. We gave up for the night. We were all three tired. It was very late. It was time for stories and cuddles and love. Ah....love...

I grabbed a few books and headed out to "swing" with Miss Hollywood. One of the books I'd grabbed was the book I gave CD for his fourth birthday. "I Love You More"

I started reading. I got halfway through and CD joined us. He climbed up on my lap. I began to read... from the beginning. I reached a point where I got choked up. Then the tears started. Then I was crying so much that I could hardly get the words out as I read to the kids. I gave them each a squeeze and a kiss. Then I started reading the second part of the book. I got choked up again. This time, CD gave me a squeeze. I needed that.

This is a love worth nurturing. This is a love that will last forever. They may reach points in their lives where they grow frustrated with me. They may think, or even say, they hate me as they storm out of the room at age six or ten, or 15. But, this love will last forever.

I don't know what's out "there" and I don't know if anything is meant to come my way. That's cool. I just hope I can find a dance partner along the way. How about you? Is love out there? I've heard so many romantic country songs. I've seen movies and television shows with "deliciousness" in them. I have long given up on the idea of a fairy tale life. But some of these songs have rekindled this curiosity about whether or not romanticism and passion and risks and love are all out there. I'm sure they are. Just not necessarily for me. And, that's ok. In the meantime, I'll do what I can to teach my children well, to love them, to nurture love in them...

So, tell me...are you walking or are you dancing these days? Remember, life's a dance!