"This is the first day of the rest of your life, this is the first day of the rest of your life, even in the dark you can still see the light, it's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright."
As this day comes to an end, I look back and smile. Today was a great day! CD and Miss Hollywood spent some time with Nana and Papa while I attended church (and took care of my "assignments" at church for the day). Church was a wonderful start to this day. Then a family lunch, followed by outtings, kept the day rolling. And the evening was off the damn charts in awesomeness! We had a really nice summer cook-out. Hot dogs for dinner followed by s'mores for dessert. The kids were in jammies and settling in at a really good hour. I finished off the day rocking Miss Hollywood and singing to her. It made me smile. All of it. I felt pure joy in every ounce of my being. Both kids had a great day. CD got his start-of-school haircut and is very excited about it.
At one point this evening the following conversation took place:
CD: Today was a new day, huh mommy?
Me: Yep! And do you know what tomorrow is?
CD: Another new day.
It's great that he can see each and every day as something new. A new beginning, a new chance at something special. I hope that he learns that from me, and others who think as I do.
Getting back to writing has helped me so much. My renewed commitment to organizing thoughts for the book S and I are working on has helped. Working through the day's issues has helped as well.
I love the way my room smells right now. I had primarily been using only lotions and body sprays, adding perfume later. I started wearing my regular perfume again and recently picked up a body wash and lotion that go with it. I started using it along with my body powder. I'm taking a break from some of the other scents and though I love them, I am enjoying how good my room smells because it smells like me. It smells like my favorite perfume. It's great!
I stood on the scale today for the first time in a couple of weeks. the plateau I hit with my weight almost two years ago has haunted me. It got worse between last fall and this summer. It didn't matter what I did. I was preparing for a marathon. People tried to suggest that I was replacing fat with muscle. That may have been, but not losing, and even at times seeing that I had gained, frustrated me to no end. S and I have talked about this. She and I have shared this struggle. The worst of it was that it didn't matter what we did. Nothing mattered. We have been stuck. Finally this week I was noticing that I looked less bloated and that in itself made me feel better. Then someone asked me today if I had lost weight. "No, but I'm less bloated," I responded. But, I thought I'd go ahead and check.
Ready for this?
I lost five pounds! FIVE POUNDS! That made my day. I don't care if I ever get back to where I was after Connor was born (I hit my wedding day weight when he was about six-months-old.) But, I have a few pounds to lose and I need my body back! At least some semblance of what was once my body. I looked at a picture that my mom had from 2005. I did not recognize myself in it. I had to look very closely at it and I nearly cried. It was awful. When I got pregnant with Connor, I was close to 200 pounds! That is not me! That was never me! Except...it was. Bringing my weight down and regaining my body for ME is important TO ME. Yoga, taekwondo...they help. I am finally feeling anxious about running again and looking forward to doing a 5k in October.
So, what happened? Well, a few things.
One, I have had stricter portion control. I've never really been one to overeat. In fact, I have always eaten so slowly that I get fuller faster. This has been true my entire life. And, it can be a bit embarrassing. When I had that picnic with Mr. M, I was overly aware of how slowly I eat. And then I got full before I even finished half a sandwich. I was again aware of it at breakfast yesterday with Nini. I've been the butt of many jokes in my life because I eat SO SLOWLY! But, you know what... I am who I am and I need to embrace that.
Two, after spending two weekends in a row with Uncle Bubba and his family, I seemed to slip into eating fewer carbs rather naturally. I felt pretty good too. I noticed around mid-week and then it became more of a habit. I also started eating less in the way of desserts. This happened somewhat naturally too. Somehow sweets have been too sweets (I know. weird, right?!) But, I try to enjoy things here and there so that I don't totally over-do them when I have them.
Three is the big one. I think I finally have more control over my anxiety and stress. I had a couple of highly emotional days within the past week. It was awful, but I still felt more in control of it all than i have in a long time. I take some time to think through things. I talk to people. I work through things as best I can. I successfully weaned from medications and I hope to stay this way. (I will, of course, check in with my doctor.) But overall, I feel great!
I think I had a Fibromyalgia flare-up this weekend...a little more pain, a little more fatigue, a whole lot of irritating! LOL! But, it was likely triggered by the weather (at least in part) and I still feel pretty good.
I am proud of myself. Each day I can see something new in me of which I can be proud. Each day s a new day. Each day is the first day of the rest of my life. And, it is the same for you.
From that Matt Maher song: "Love will hold us together, make us a shelter to weather the storm. And I'll be my brother's keeper, so the whole world will know that we're not alone..."
You have to have love. As was discussed in the homily at church today, look around. Take in your blessings. Count your blessings. Give thanks for your blessings.
I immersed myself in Christian music (rock mostly) during some of my darkest days. It got me through that awful period of my life. I'm now back listening to pop, country, and rock. When I caught myself drowning in ideal romanticiscm of country songs a couple of weeks ago, mom made a good suggestion. "Switch to some good rock 'n' roll." And I did. I mixed it up more. Today on my way to church, I rocked out to Def Leppard. It was great! It rocked my morning! Loved it! Thanks, mom!
And a wish for a happy start to your week, readers! Rock it out! Make it your best week ever! Or, at least, make it the best week you can!
My focus for the week: Well, I guess I have three:
1. Love and enjoy CD and Miss Hollywood every day.
2. Job search
3. Promoting the heck out of "my" event for church
Check back throughout the week to see how it's going. Feel free to hold me accountable. ;-)
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