I will survive!

Gloria Gaynor had it, man.

"At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking I could ever live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights thinking, how you did me wrong And I grew strong and I learned how to get along..."

When this song played while I was out with friends last spring, I heard it in a whole new way and it became my anthem for a moment.

I WILL SURVIVE.

And yet, I will do more than survive. I WILL LIVE. I WILL BE ALIVE.

I just endured some difficult days. With the visitation schedule the way it was, my children spent more (day)time with their dad than they did with me. That part was ok with me mostly. I was even ok with being alone on Christmas Day. Mostly.

But something stirred in me on Saturday and the impending funk I had felt two weeks before suddenly was upon me and it sucked. I cried. I screamed. I cussed. I vented to my best friend. I didn't like it. Too much alone time will do that to an extrovert, I think. But compact that with it being holidays and people talking about the importance of family. And suddenly realizing that you have been completely and utterly alone hurts. It hurts bad. That same day, S went through a difficult day. When her SO ended up in the hospital that day just was I was emerging from that funk it put things in a different perspective for me. First and foremost, I was not alone. Secondly, some of my alone time had been self-imposed. I could have gone out. No one, nothing said I had to spend all of my time at home. I chose it. I set goals. I worked to achieve them. But everything kept me home. And once I reached out to friends, I suddenly found myself with places to go and things to do. So the deepest, darkest day of this holiday season (which really wasn't all that bad) was followed immediately by two spectacular days and there is more to come. Later this week I will throw myself into some work. I have lesson planning and grading to do before returning to work Monday. Suddenly, I feel a shortage of time. Funny how that works, But I will get through it and I will do that which needs doing.

As 2012 comes to a close, I look back and smile. It wasn't easy. I wouldn't have wanted an easy year, in fact. It was a great year with trials and triumphs. It was a year of self-discovery, self-love, and spreading that to those I love. My children, my family, my friends are all better because I am better. I am more me than I have been in years. This is something worth celebrating.

Then, as I sat with a friend at lunch today, she pointed out the year ahead is "my year." I will turn 36 in March. This is my year. It is the year of the snake in the Chinese Zodiac. I've decided to embrace that. It is my year. MY YEAR!

My goals are set.
My mind is right.
My heart is big.
My hopes are high.

Life is so good. And that is what I want to take into the new year. I want to start the new year with hope and happiness and make more of it happen. My goals are there to be met. They are achievable goals. I will do it.

Tomorrow is "just another day." Or is it? I believe it is what we want it to be. Tomorrow is what the desires of our heart want.

I started the book that S and My Chico are reading and my eyes quickly jumped to the two quotes Sheils Walsh chose for starting Chapter 2. Perfect as the new year approaches.

"I suppose when we wake up on January 1 the world will look the same. But there is a reminder of the Resurrection at the start of each New Year, each new decade. That's why I also like sunrises, Mondays, and new seasons. God seems to be saying, 'With me you can always start afresh.'" 
-Ada Lum

And this gem from Isaiah 43:18-19 is PERFECT!
"Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it?"

Folks, a new year is upon us. Let's rock it!