An "AH-HA!" moment on a somber day

Today was an interesting day. As I entered the faculty room, many teachers sat discussing the events of Friday's school shooting that took place clear on the other side of the country. the discussion included guns, mental illness, children, our own school, safety plans, things we can do to keep our students safer, parenting...you name it. For a moment, I had blocked it from my thoughts. A brief moment, but a moment nonetheless. I exited the faculty room to make copies, returned to the faculty room, then grabbed my things and headed down the hall. Suddenly, it hit me that I would see the faces of my amazing, innocent second graders for the first time since hearing the news on Friday. I choked up, but quickly sucked it up and headed into the classroom. As I entered the room, I felt as though I were walking into the dream I had early Friday morning. I shook it off and moved forward. Then, as I exited the room to go make other copies, three of my students started engaging me. I knelt down beside them and talked to them. These were the three students who were most prominent in my dream. It freaked me out a bit. I didn't let it show, but I found it odd and it rattled me a bit. I experienced a wide range of emotions today.

The students and I had a fantastic afternoon. They loved the project I had them work on today. In small groups, they designed newspaper front pages featuring "stories" of the things we've learned so far this school year. I used packing paper from a book order I received recently and showed them an example that we worked on as a class. The oversized newspaper front pages went over quite well and the students demonstrated their learning very well, plus they got more experience working co-operatively.

After the students left, I did some general prep and sharpened pencils (I shed a few more tears for the lives lost in Connecticut as sharpened pencils), then immersed myself in taking down my November bulletin board (another student project) and putting up the newspapers to display. I straightened up a few things, keeping their leaves of thanks from the previous board in a can on my desk, and headed on my way. It was a cold, quiet, somber walk down the hall. I took pride in the day I experienced with my students and the work I had done in the classroom, but still fel a bit unnerved by the faculty discussion and the experience of actually stepping into a part of a dream I had just a couple of days ago.

In the meantime, S spent the day sitting in a hospital waiting room waiting for her SO while he underwent surgery. We texted off and on throughout the day. I kept them both in thought and prayer. I offered her words of encouragement and we swapped some book ideas. I exited the school building and turned the corner coming face-to-face with rose bushes in full bloom. I had never noticed them before and there they were in full bloom in the middle of winter! I couldn't help but stop. So, I did. I stopped, and smelled the roses. Then, the captivating beauty was too much to just walk away from, so I snapped a picture to capture the moment. I needed it. I shared it with S and The Guardian.

I drove toward home and stayed reflective and a bit somber. My rock station played in the background, but I wasn't really in a "rock out" sort of mood. I eventually switched to the "pop" station and as I neared CD's daycare, Hunter Hayes' "Wanted" came on. For the first time since The Guardian entered over two months ago, this song hit me hard. The idea of feeling wanted appeals to me. Intermittently, I get that from The Guardian. The difficulty I have is the occasional long periods of time between visits due to schedule issues. I just saw him Friday. There was no reason for me to feel all silly and sappy. I felt stupid really, in a way. And yet, I cried. I suppose it was a day for crying. Once again, the unfortunate part of being an empath is that I experience days like today. I'm not quite in a funk, and I hope to avoid getting into one. There really is no reason for ending up in a funk. I need to focus on the good, the blessings, the love, the hope, the future.

I wiped my tears, picked up CD, picked up Miss Hollywood, and headed home. I got a call that CD has been selected for a special Christmas-time that the Lions and Soroptomists do and I find it exciting. This is a very positive thing for CD. He is thrilled! And I believe this special evening that he will have is just what he needs right now. I wish the ex was able to share in my enthusiasm. Unfortunately, it does not appear as though he does. At least he has agreed to make sure CD will be here in time for the special outing he has, since it falls on a visitation day.

One very bright spot in my day was having an AH-HA moment following this morning's blog post. I have found that I think I Corinthians 13 should be the faith thread of the book S and I are working on and I believe it will work well for many reasons. In fact, this realization led me to coming up with a working title for the book which excites me.

Today has been a great day! Tears and all....

I said goodbye to my brother and his family, which is bitter-sweet for sure. This starts a new chapter in their lives and I am thrilled for them. I was thankful for the opportunity to help see them on their way. I will miss them, of course. I already do. Then I had a fantastic day at work. I shared prayers and support with S. I loved on my babies. I created a dinner that came together nicely and CD enjoyed. The AH-HA moment thrilled me earlier in the day. The Guardian and I exchanged some texts. I sang Miss Hollywood to sleep with Christmas songs. My boy requested that I snuggle with him. Life really is good...even if I had to clean baby powder off of a cork floor and experienced a couple of cries. Life is good.