First dance to now...letting myself go

When we were planning our wedding all those years ago, I had a song I loved that I'd wanted for our first dance. George Strait's "I Cross My Heart." It is very future focused. It's a love song. It's a promise for working together. It's what, in my mind, marriage is all about.

I cross my heart and promise to

give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true

in all the world, you'll never find

a love as true as mine....

...and if along the way, we find a day, it starts to storm

you've got the promise of my love to keep you warm...

Perfection! Absolutel perfection! And then, my husband-to-be came across another song. K-Ci and Jo-Jo's "All My Life." I liked it. It worked fine. Mostly, he loved it and so, I agreed to it. We had a great first dance. We had help from my dear friend's dad and his then-girlfriend in actually working on a dance. It was my one and only dance with my husband.

All my life, I've prayed for someone like you

and I thank God that I finally found you...

Hearing it now, I hear it differently. It was very focused on the here and now. The waiting and praying for THIS ONE moment. Waiting for a person, or an idea of a person, to come along. I was heartbroken when I realized that something as simple as the first dance song decision showed the differences in how we viewed life and love. It was through this realization that I ultimately realized that I have NEVER known true, romantic love. I know manipulation. I know the idea of love. I know (I think) how to love. But I do not know what it means to truly share love, to experience love and to have a life partner. And, I'm ok with that now.

Having gone through the self-love experience over the better part of the past month, I have taken time for me, to love myself. And that's awesome. I thank my friend and fellow blogger for not only inviting others to participate, but for encouraging those of us who did participate. It was the best love I have felt in a long time and I am attempting to continue with it as much as I can. Daily.

And now, I find it fitting that one of the best songs I have heard lately is a different George Strait song. It brings me to where I am right here and right now,  in this healing process.

Let Herself Go

She poured her heart an' soul into their three-bedroom ranch.
Spent her days raisin' babies, ironin' his pants.
Came home one day from the grocery store and found his note,
And without him there to stop her, she let herself go.

Let herself go on her first blind-date:
Had the time of her life with some friends at the lake.
Let herself go, buy a brand new car,
Drove down to the beach he always said was too far.
Sand sure felt good between her toes:
She let herself go on a singles cruise,
To Vegas once, then to Honolulu.
Let herself go to New York City:
A week at the Spa; came back knocked-out pretty.
When he said he didn't love her no more,
She let herself go.

The song's lyrics aren't 100% applicable to me, but there is a lot that is and there is just something awesome in it....it made me smie.

But, remember yesterday's post? I'm looking for a dance partner. George Strait has a song for that, too. =)

I don’t want to be the kind to hesitate, be too shy, wait too late
I don’t care what they say other lovers do,
I just want to dance with you.
I gotta feeling that you have a heart like mine,
So let it show, let it shine.
If we have a chance to make one heart of two,
I just want to dance with you.